


Inhibitions

by SwanandPhoenixSong



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, Buzzard Wasps, F/M, Romance, Wolf-bats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2018-08-19 13:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8209724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanandPhoenixSong/pseuds/SwanandPhoenixSong
Summary: Two months after he lost his bending, Tahno is still uncomfortable with his new way of life. After an intervention from his pro-bender friends, he makes a choice. With the guidance of a mysterious mentor, he learns to cope with the past and build a future. Characters: Tahno, Zanami (Buzzard-Wasps Firebender OC), Michi (Tahno's younger brother waterbender OC), Kokoro (Nonbender OC).To see more about the characters, go to my Tumblr (my stuff tag).





	1. 1: Invitation

  _1: Invitation_

 

Tahno moved about the apartment in silence. It was getting dirty and unkempt, but he didn’t care much. He went to the cabinet and fished out a plate and some bread buns. But he ignored the cups. He ignored the kitchen sink. He ignored the instinct to turn on the faucet and try again.

He went and sat at the low table and ate slowly, refusing to think. Of the silence. Of the loneliness. Of the emptiness inside.

He reached for the radio, but hesitated. He knew that, if he turned the dial, it would talk of Avatar Korra and how she had recently returned to the city to give people their bending back. And for the next several hours his mind would toil with the thought of asking for his bending back.

His pro-bending partners, Ming and Shaozu, had already gone to her, and received their bending in full. They had come over a few times since then, talking of how they wanted him to get his back too, but he ignored them. Then they stopped coming. They didn’t understand why he hesitated.

Tahno sighed and withdrew his hand. He wouldn’t be able to stand any more talk of bending or the Avatar. Amon was defeated. Non-benders were gaining more respect. And people like him were getting their bending back. People could revert to their old selves. But Tahno never would.

After their bending was taken away, Tahno and his pro-bending mates had become severely unpopular. The fangirls hadn’t followed them around or intruded upon their private lives, ever since that fateful night. They had never cared about them. They had never cared about Tahno. They had only cared for the cocky, cheating, arrogant celebrity pro-bender he had been.

Tahno would never be like that again. Even _if_ he decided to get his bending back. He had lost his spark, his confidence, his fearlessness. He was simple now, quiet. He knew he was inferior to other people, especially the Avatar. He knew now that he was worthless, pointless, and hopeless without his bending. Sure, he could still feed himself and live off of his money, but now he avoided any thoughts of water, he didn’t have friends, and didn’t understand who he was anymore.

When he had had his waterbending, when he was Captain of the Whitefalls Wolfbats, when he was adored by all—he had known exactly who he was. He had been proud, shameless, and stubborn. He had attempted to intimidate the Avatar, and then had fought against her in pro-bending. The only time when he had been afraid at all was when Amon came up to the arena, and even more so after he took his bending. Waterbending had been his life. He had now lived two months without it. And his mind still couldn’t accept it.

Tahno now only got close to water when his sink of dirty dishes was too full to ignore or when he bathed. He would take long baths, just as he always had, but now for different reasons than before. Before his bending was taken away, he took long baths to clean his body and style his hair exactly right. Now he took long baths so that, for just an hour or two, he could revel in the feeling of water on his skin. And perhaps imagining that he was a bender again.

Tahno sighed and swallowed the last bite of the bun. He looked at the dirty plate in front of him, then to the sink. He thought of washing the dishes. And not using waterbending to do it. He cringed at the thought. He slid his hand through his greasy hair and slowly stood, taking the plate as he walked toward the sink. He placed it on top of the other dishes. He leaned against the counter for a moment, staring out the window in front of him.

Tahno lived in the rooftop loft in one of the many apartments of downtown Republic City. With that loft came a garden in one of the four corners of the rooftop. He could see into it through the window glass before him. When he had had his bending, he had loved caring for the plants, as he had while growing up in the swamp of the Earth Kingdom. The swamp had become more civilized after the Great War. Nobody ran around half naked or scavenged for food anymore. But it was still a forest of one tree and had been respected as such. They didn’t hinder the plants from growing, but instead they lived among them, in harmony. In the swamp, Tahno had learned to waterbend, and to plantbend. He had been entranced by the act of waterbending through the plants and being one with the spirit of the forest. He had loved it, the feeling of nurturing the life inside a seed, then helping it to rise towards the sun and grow.

But now his eyes lingered over the garden and the one flowerpot on his countertop and his heart dropped to his stomach. They all were wilting, and many had died. The jade greens had gone dark and were approaching shades of brown. The flowers had faded. The petals and the leaves had cracked, drier than the desert sun.

_Knock knock._

Tahno sighed, his reverie broken. He went to the door and pulled it open.

There stood Zan, firebender for the Buzzard-Wasps. Her dark hair was down, minus the Fire Nation loop on top. It looked like she was dressed for a night on the town with Miyu, her roommate and Shaozu’s girlfriend. So why was she here?

“Well, hey there, Tahno.” She greeted him. She smiled and slid past him into the apartment. “You look surprised to see me.”

“I am,” he replied, closing the door. She turned back toward him and lit a small flame on her finger. He felt the jealousy rise up inside him. She could use her bending whenever she liked and just on a whim as well. “Why are you here, Zan?” he muttered angrily.

“Well that’s certainly rude. I only came to say hello.” She winked and began walking through the apartment, lighting candles and turning on lamps as she went. Tahno sighed and sat on the sofa as he watched her. Zan and he had been rather competitive in past years, being on opposing teams and of opposite elements, but he had always rather liked her anyway. She was confident and self-assured, and having that self-confidence coupled with her natural attraction, she was very often liked by many people. She would sometimes date, but it often seemed that dating was trivial to her. And with being captain of her pro-bending team, she was undoubtly very strategic and quick-thinking. Her pro-bending team had made it to the finals for three consecutive years before the Fire Ferrets beat them out this year. It was a shame, as Tahno had been looking forward to facing her again.

Despite that she was certainly admirable, there was no excuse for her to show up at his apartment at this inopportune time, when she could be out with her friends or with some trivial beau of hers.

Zan blew the flame off her finger and flashed him a smirk. She sat on the ottoman in front of him, leaning back on her hands and crossing her ankles. It was surprising how comfortable she could be here, where she was neither at home or with anyone she could call her friend. Tahno was hardly more than acquaintance of hers. He stared at her, unsure of why she was there, and unsure of whether she would ever tell him. She was just observing him casually with the smallest hint of a smile upon her lips. Then he realized that she was waiting for him to speak. She wanted to know how long he’d last in suspense.

His mouth flattened into a hard line, but he knew she wouldn’t have to wait long. With a tone that could cut glass, Tahno broke the silence. “What do you want, _Zanami_?” he said, using her full name.

She gave him a wicked grin. “There will be a festival of sorts on the streets tonight. There will be venders and games, and restaurants will stay open late. I intend to enjoy it. And _you’re_ coming with me.”

Tahno grunted and tightly crossed his arms. “Not likely, Zan.”

And with that Zan frowned and stood upright in front of him with her arms crossed just as tightly. “Oh, I believe you are.” He opened his mouth to protest but she interrupted him. “Tahno, how long has it been since the last time you went out with friends, or anyone for that matter?”

Tahno grunted again but allowed his shoulders to slump slightly as he looked away from her intimidating gaze. “Not since I lost my bending,” he muttered.

Zan went from standing tall in intimidation to jutting out her hip in pride and superiority. Tahno sneaked a glance her way, but it didn’t appear that she was done with her interrogation. Tahno looked away, not wanting to see the obvious difference between her confidence and his own lack thereof. “And exactly how long ago,” Zan sneered, “did you decide that you weren’t going to ask Avatar Korra to give you your bending back?”

Tahno took in a sharp breath through his nose. But he did not turn toward her. He did not even try to think of an answer. There wasn’t one. Tahno had not made any decisions and she wasn’t going to force him to.

But perhaps, he was wrong. Zan roughly bent down and turned Tahno’s chin so that he looking directly at her. He tried to shake from her grasp, but her hold was firm. He looked into her light amber eyes and saw the fierce determination and unwavering confidence Zan was known for. Then he saw the hinted smirk at the corner of her lips and he surrendered, looking away but her fingers still holding his chin. “I haven’t made any decisions,” he insisted, “I’ve avoided even thinking about her ever since she announced that she had gotten her own bending back.”

Zan gave a stiff nod but did not yet allow the smirk to surface. “Tahno,” she murmured with a level of impatience, “After you lost your bending, you shut everyone out. Then, when Amon was defeated and the Avatar had lost her bending in the process, we all expected you to come back to us. That you might get some of that old spark back. But you didn’t. Not even when the Avatar revealed her bending was restored. Not even when she had arrived back at the city to return bending to those who had lost it. Tahno, I fully respect that you needed to think and let go of who you once were, but it’s high time you stopped sulking and made a decision.”

Tahno felt a tangible ripple go through his body, from his fingertips down to his toes. Rage boiled up inside him and he sprang to his feet, and she jumped back, her nose not an inch from his. “Do not tell me how the rest of you worried about me. None of you spared a thought towards me. You don’t care who I am or what kind of ideas go through my head.”

Her face no longer held the hint of the smirk or the casual air it had before. It was clear she was just as angry as he was, but when she spoke, her voice was quiet and it did not quiver. “No, my pro-bending mates did not care. Neither did your fangirls, as I’m sure you are aware of. Miyu and I didn’t care much either.” She paused, taking a breath. “That is, until _your brother_ came to visit.”

Tahno blanched at that, taking a step back. “My brother?” Tahno’s high-spirited younger brother, Michi, still lived in the swamp. Tahno knew he had listened to his pro-bending matches and the skirmishes with Amon over the radio, as they had sent letters back and forth, but he had never left the swamp before. He couldn’t imagine that Michi would’ve done so without visiting him first. Or why he would possibly bother to visit Zan and Miyu, people he had never met. “Why would Michi visit you?”

Zan turned away and flung up her hands. “Look, it’s not like he sent a letter beforehand or anything! I didn’t even know who he was; he just turned up! He said we needed to take you with us to the celebration tonight, and that you needed some kind of friendly intervention, and well,” she paused, her shoulders slumping. She turned back toward him and gave a small smile, “we couldn’t disagree.”

Tahno gave her a look of confusion. “But, wha-when was this?”

Zan rolled her eyes and examined her nails. “About an hour ago.”

Tahno groaned. “So you, you and Miyu, were preparing for this _festival_ , not caring at all about me, _about an hour ago_. Then my brother shows up, explains to you who he is and that I need help and _an intervention_ , and you just knock on my door expecting me to go out on the streets, with you, tonight, and _celebrate_?”

Tahno’s hands were extended in exasperation, as if he were grasping for some understanding that wasn’t there. Zan looked up, and studied him for a moment. Tahno could see the slight pity in her eyes and knew that she had been just as exasperated when Michi had arrived as he was now. He suddenly felt his chest rise and fall in some kind of flip-floppy motion. She knew how he felt. She knew he didn’t want to go out and have fun. She knew he still hated himself every moment of every day. And he knew she didn’t like doing this to him at all. But his brother had insisted, and he knew how Michi could be when he didn’t get his way.

And then Tahno slumped his shoulders, digging his hands into his pockets. He knew he would end up going out with her tonight, whether either of them liked it or not.

“So,” Zan said, her hands dropping to her sides along with her confident and arrogant façade, “you gonna go get ready or what?”

“Wha-oh, yeah, I guess.” Tahno rubbed his neck, looking away from her. “When will they be here?”

“Not long,” she replied, sitting back down on the ottoman, “you can wash your hair, but don’t take forever like I’m sure you like to. And find something nice to wear.”

Tahno nodded slowly and walked to the washroom. “Sure thing, Zan.” But she didn’t turn to watch him go. She was busy twirling a ball of fire around her fingers.

Almost twenty minutes later, Tahno was leaving his bedroom, his hair styled elegantly, but not at all comparable to what it used to be. He wore clothes he hadn’t worn since his bending days, and it felt like they didn’t fit somehow, even if he knew that they did. It was as if they were too big and he was too small and even his self-hatred wasn’t enough to fill the space in between.

Zan was sitting on the sofa, her feet kicked up on the ottoman and the radio blasting. It was one of the new channels, the ones that played music at all hours. Tahno had listened to it sometimes, but he never found it comfortable, as the music seemed to be all kinds of genres played one after another. The channels couldn’t seem to decide what type of people they were targeting. But Zan was bobbing her head all the same and Tahno had the feeling that she had listened to this song before. It wasn’t terrible, a little too upbeat and loud for Tahno, but he didn’t mind it that much. He went to the sink and began washing the dishes. The water running over his fingers calmed his nerves and made his mind sink into memories that weren’t really memories: walking through the rain without an umbrella and not whining about his clothes and hair getting soaked, walking through his garden and bending the plants toward the soft sun, and fishing in the swamp, armed with nothing but his bending and a knife.

He finished cleaning the dishes and let the water drain as he dried his hands on a towel. He turned back toward Zan as the music changed from loud to quiet, from head-banging beats to gentle dancing music. Zan relaxed against the cushions, her energy gone. Her eyes were looking out the window opposite the counter, her mind far away. Tahno smiled and went to stand at her side. She looked up at him and he offered her his hand. “Would you like to dance?”

Zan laughed, but the gaiety didn’t touch her eyes. “Sure, Tahno,” She said, taking his hand.

He pulled her up into his embrace and they began to dance; his right hand and her left intertwined, his other hand on her waist and her head leaning on his shoulder. For a few minutes they spun slowly, the music wafting around them. She sighed against his neck and he was shocked when he felt a tear hit his skin. “Zan . . .” he whispered, but she just shushed him and they continued to spin. He pulled back and she wiped her eyes, refusing to look up at him. He stared at her, suddenly off-balanced by the vulnerability. What side of Zan was this? Zan was confident, intimidating, fearless. Like he had been when he had his bending. “What’s wrong?” Tahno asked, pulling her closer by way of their interlocked hands. For one moment she looked up at him and he saw the walls go up; he saw the defiant determination behind her tear-filled eyes.

Then someone knocked on the door. Zan dropped Tahno’s hand and ran to the washroom, swiftly locking the door. He called after her, but he knew she needed a minute alone. He turned off the radio, went to the door, and opened it slowly.

“Hey big bro!” Michi greeted him, dashing into his apartment, Miyu following calmly behind. Michi was a head shorter than Tahno, but that didn’t mean Tahno wasn’t unsettled by his energy. He was loud and jumpy, his feet fighting against gravity. Strange personality for a waterbender, his mother had always said. His hair was shoulder-length and curly, and his eyes were a pale silver, much like Tahno’s. At his waist he donned a water flask, much like Tahno used to when they lived in the swamp.

“Hello, Michi,” Tahno said as he turned back toward the threshold. Miyu stepped inside as he closed the door. She was dress much like Zan, but with shades of brown and green rather than Zan’s purple. “How’s it going, Miyu?”

“Oh, I’m okay. I see Zan got you to clean up. You look good.” Miyu smiled, patting his shoulder. Tahno knew Miyu a little better than he knew Zan. She, much like her roommate, could be comfortable pretty much anywhere. But where Zan was more active in conversation, Miyu was watchful and reserved. Miyu had been dating Shaozu since the first time they won the pro-bending championship. Back then, he had thought she was just one of the fangirls, but he had soon learned how much she really cared about Shaozu. They turned back toward the apartment, where Michi had now claimed the sofa and was reading the morning’s newspaper. “Where’s Zan?” Miyu asked as she went to sit with Michi.

“In the bathroom.” Tahno said, slipping his hands into his pockets again. He hoped Zan was alright, and wondered what had offset her. Then, he decided, it was best to leave that alone until they were unaccompanied again. “So, Michi,” he began, turning toward his younger brother and speaking with a teasing air he hadn’t used in much too long, “what brings you to Republic City?”

Michi laid the newspaper aside, sitting up and smiling jovially, ready to joke right along with him. “Don’t you remember my letters? I’ve always wanted to come up and visit this beautiful city of yours.”

“Of course,” Tahno said, rolling his eyes, “but I thought you might’ve _warned_ me before doing so. It would be the courteous thing to do.”

“And when have you ever known me to be courteous?” Michi smiled wider and Tahno gave a slight nod of his head. Then Michi continued, “Besides, you need me.”

“I need you?” Tahno scoffed, “How so?”

“Well obviously you’ve been a bit of a grouch ever since Amon attacked the pro-bending arena, and I knew you just needed a bit of a push to get you back into the spirit of things. I wouldn’t have been able to convince you myself, so I read back through some of your old letters and to see if there might be anyone who cared or who you trusted. You had mentioned how Miyu had been so caring toward Shaozu, and how you couldn’t help liking Zan, so I had two options. Then, when I arrived in Republic City, I did some research—by way of asking your old pro-bending teammates—and discovered that Zan and Miyu were best friends and roommates. So I thought, you know, two heads are better than one. And we all talked it over and they agreed that I was right—that you needed help—so we decided to send Zan because she’d be stubborn and bull-headed enough to persuade you.”

 _And honest enough_ , Tahno added in his head. If Michi or Miyu had come, they would have glossed over the facts, avoided being blunt about the subject. Even when Michi had spoke of when Tahno lost his bending, he hadn’t even said the words—he said _ever since Amon attacked the pro-bending arena_. If they had come like that, trying to convince him to come with them while avoiding _why_ they thought he needed help, he probably wouldn’t have listened. And Zan hadn’t only been blunt about that, she had honestly conveyed to him that she didn’t _want_ to do any of this, and that she would dislike it just as much as he would. There was something comforting about having someone there who would suffer along with him.

Just then the door of the washroom opened and Zan came out, instantly commanding their attention. She had touched up her make-up and there was now no evidence of a tear ever having left her eye. Tahno bottled up his confusion and concern from before and slapped a smile on his face. “Ready to go then?” he asked, moving toward her.

She smiled back, the arrogance and pride back in her eyes. “Yeah, let’s go.” So the four of them left the apartment, Miyu and Michi in front, Zan and Tahno following behind after he had locked the door. Down the lift, to the lobby, and out the front door they went. The street was full of people, barriers blocking off other roads that still held traffic. Venders stood outside their stalls, advertising games with prizes or snacks for sale. Lanterns were strung up along the buildings and streetlights, and everyone was dressed in fine clothing. It seemed that even the weather was celebrating, as it was strangely warm for the middle of winter.

They came upon the center of downtown, a roundabout with a fountain in the center. There was a band playing and people were dancing in the street. On the edges, the restaurants had their doors open, people waking in and out with beverages or desserts in their hands. Miyu led them to the fountain where they met Shaozu and Ming (Tahno’s former teammates), Aiko and Ren (their fangirls), and Kaito and Riku (Zan’s pro-bending teammates). Miyu ran to Shaozu’s arms and he kissed her on the lips. Tahno looked away from them, turning toward Zan and Ming.

“Where’s Hasook?” Zan asked. When Ming and Shaozu restarted their pro-bending team and Tahno had not went to get his bending back, Ming had become captain and they had enlisted Hasook, former member of the Fire Ferrets, as their new waterbender. Tahno assumed that, as Ming and Shaozu were friends with the Buzzard Wasps, that Zan must have gotten to know Hasook better in his absence.

“Oh, he’s late. As usual.” Ming answered. He turned toward Tahno, offering his hand, “Hey, good to see you, man. Been wonderin’ how you were holdin’ up.” Tahno gave him a smile and took his hand. Then Ming pulled him in for a hug and it felt like old times again. Maybe his teammates had cared more than he had thought. Then they pulled back they both let out a nervous laugh.

“C’mon guys, it’s a celebration isn’t it?” Michi said. He started off and the rest followed behind. First Kaito and Riku, then Ming and the fangirls, then Miyu and Shaozu, and lastly Zan and Tahno bringing up the rear. They each began to wander off, Michi, the Buzzard Wasps, and Ming and his fangirls heading for the makeshift pro-bending match being held in a square a few blocks over, Miyu and Shaozu off to one of the restaurants, while Zan and Tahno walked along silently, looking at the different stalls as they went.

“So what’s this celebration for anyway?” Tahno asked her.

She tensed slightly and turned to look at him. There was skepticism in her eyes. Did she have ulterior motives for not telling him what the special occasion was? But Tahno couldn’t understand why. It was a celebration wasn’t it?

She looked away again and spoke softly, “It’s a thank-you party. For the Avatar. At the end of the night she’ll return bending to anyone who hasn’t gotten it yet, and then she won’t be doing it again for a while. She wants to focus on her airbending training.”

“Oh.” Tahno said, a bitter taste rising in his throat. Had this been the whole point to their little intervention? Had Michi only thought to get him back outside, as it’d be his last chance to have his bending returned? Did none of them understand why he had avoided it for this long?

Zan sighed, turning back toward him and crossing her arms. “Tahno, look at me. Look at me now.” He turned toward her, a scowl on his face. “Michi had been planning to come see you for ages, but he hadn’t known how bad you were getting. And he didn’t have the money to travel here without having to hitch a ride on a cargo ship. So he avoided coming until this last week, when he found out that the Avatar would be going on a bit of a hiatus for a while. He arrived in Republic City yesterday evening, and he stayed the night at Ming and Shaozu’s apartment. Then he came and talked to Miyu and I this afternoon. He hadn’t exactly meant for it to happen this way, but he thinks of it as a happy coincidence. Miyu and I understand better why it _should not_ have happened this way. You do not need your bending back. Getting your bending back would not help with your current identity crisis. Truly, it would only make it worse.”

Tahno stared at her, unsure and skeptical. She glared back, her mouth in a firm line, but her eyes held the sympathy he had begun to recognize. He took a breath through his nose and let it out slowly, releasing his anger at the same time. Zan hadn’t meant for it to be this way, she hadn’t even wanted to help him in the first place. But she was here and she had known exactly what had needed to be said in order to get him out of his apartment. He let his mouth slip into an easy smile. “You’re probably right.” She smiled back at him and they continued walking, side-by-side.

“But, hey,” she said, bumping his arm as she let her hands fall to her sides, “at least it’s a beautiful night.” They looked up at the sky as they walked, the night lit up with the lanterns, the streetlights, the stars and the moon. A peaceful companionship settled over them and they walked a little closer together. They stopped at a stand that was giving out meat-links on sticks. There was a male firebender standing by, putting on a show as he cooked them. Zan smiled deviously at Tahno and bought a pair uncooked. Then she lit them both and began twirling them on her fingers, tossing them up and catching them. She and the other firebender had a bit of a competition, and a crowd gathered. Tahno clapped jovially for her as she completed trick after trick and soon the man accepted defeat. As the franks were now terribly burnt, Zan and the other firebender disintegrated them in a finale of flame and the crowd gave them another round of applause. They bowed and Zan returned to Tahno’s side.

“That was fantastic!” Tahno congratulated her and she glowed with pride. They bumped fists and turned round, about to exit the crowd. But in their way stood Avatar Korra and Mako, arm-in-arm.

“Nice bending,” Mako said to Zan, smiling.

“Nice? It was awesome!” Korra said with her usual enthusiasm.

Zan smiled in thanks, but Tahno could tell that their appreciation didn’t mean as much to her as his had, even though they were each accomplished firebenders. It made Tahno’s chest tighten a little, knowing that his compliments meant something to her. He looked over at her and realized that she had been looking at him. They smiled and turned back to the couple before them. Just then, it seemed that Korra finally got a good look at him.

“Tahno? Is that you?” she asked, her eyes focused on his face.

He gave her a smirk. “How’s it going, Uh-vatar?”

“But last time I saw you, you were all sullen and depressed. And now you look almost like you used to.”

 _When you had your bending_ , Tahno continued for her in his mind. “Do I?” he asked, his smirk and posture displaying how he didn’t really care either way.

“But you haven’t even gotten your bending back! How can you be so . . . happy?”

“Korra . . .” Mako said in a warning tone. Tahno didn’t like what she had said, but he didn’t let it take him over. Bending was Korra’s whole life, and she had been grief-stricken when she lost it. But, being the Avatar, she was able to get it back nice and easy. Of course she wouldn’t be able to understand why Tahno hesitated with getting his bending back.

Tahno opened his mouth, about to say something to calm the Avatar, but at that moment Zan stepped between them. Her arms were crossed and there was a glint in her eyes. “Because unlike you, Avatar,” She began, smiling tauntingly, “Tahno doesn’t need bending to be himself. And despite that he isn’t exactly _happy_ , how he is right now, _he is_ _content_. And I’m here to make sure that continues. If at the end of the night Tahno wishes to have his bending returned, you are allowed to do so. But until he makes that decision you are not to be so prejudiced and judgmental. There are plenty of people who have led their lives _happy_ and _successful_ without bending. Just look at history: Katara’s brother Sokka never had bending and he was with Avatar Aang from beginning to end. And the Kyoshi warriors didn’t have any benders for the longest time. There is nothing wrong with being a non-bender. I mean, just ask your friend Asami Sato.”

Korra had taken a step back, and Tahno could see the anger beginning to rise up inside her. Then Mako put a hand on her shoulder, holding her back. Tahno stepped up next to Zan before anyone could begin to speak. “I’m afraid that I’ll have to agree with Zan, Korra. The first few days without my bending I would’ve done anything to get it back. But for more than two months I’ve lived without it. And . . .” he trailed off, looking at Zan before continuing, “I miss it, sure. But right now, it isn’t part of who I am, and I don’t need it to be.” Zan smiled at him, silently congratulating him on finally making a decision on the matter. He remembered when they had argued back in his apartment, and how he hadn’t even known whether he wanted his bending back or not. But he knew now that he didn’t. He had seen today that people still cared and thought about him, even without his bending. And he wanted to be strong enough to live without it.

“But . . .” Korra struggled, her eyes full of disbelief.

Mako wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her away, “C’mon Korra. I’ll catch you later, Zan. Tahno.” He nodded at each of them and they went on their way, despite that Korra obviously wanted to protest. Zan and Tahno turned toward each other and slowly smiled. She then clasped his hand in hers.

“I’m proud of you, Tahno.” She said.

“Because I faced the Avatar head-on? Did that enough times when I was a bender.” He said, joking.

She laughed. “No. Because you faced _yourself_. Or more of, who you used to be. And you didn’t back down. You accepted that you are a different, separate person now.”

Tahno smiled in agreement, giving her hand a squeeze. She pressed back and they started off, about to head back toward the center of downtown.

But then someone tapped on Zan’s shoulder. She turned and was pulled into the embrace of Hasook, having finally shown up. And before Tahno could even realize his hand was empty of hers, Hasook had caught Zan in a passionate lip-lock.

Tahno quickly turned away, hiding his emotions. He refused to consider, even just to himself, if this surprised him. A minute or so later, Zan tapped his shoulder. He turned to her, his face blank.

“Hey Tahno, we’re gonna go eat something. Catch ya later, alright?”

“Alright,” he said, avoiding her eyes, and yet unable to not see how she smiled. He silently watched them leave, neither he nor Hasook acknowledging the other’s existence.

Then Tahno quickly walked in the other direction, looking at the ground and not caring where he went. Truly, he wasn’t shocked that Zan was taken, but he was surprised that he hadn’t suspected it. She was always dating someone, spending her time on some inconsequential admirer. But all throughout today, he had thought she was single. Perhaps because she had been so thoughtful of him, or because the only time she had mentioned Hasook was when she noticed he wasn’t with the others. Maybe she didn’t really care for Hasook and that was why she hadn’t mentioned him before. But she hadn’t been hesitant to make-out and run off with him either.

Tahno stopped in a small alleyway and leaned against a building, needing to catch his breath from walking so fast. He looked around and realized he was about to enter the square Michi and the other pro-benders had gone off to earlier. They were holding makeshift pro-bending fights. They were allowed to have one to five benders on a side, just as long as the other side had just as many players. They had a large square cobblestone dais meant for the sparring, with piles of stones and buckets of water on the sides. Spectators crowded around, betting on and hollering for their favorites. People who were closer to the dais were sitting on chairs that they had brought from home. Tahno joined the throng, looking for Michi and the others. He found them sitting on benches that Ming and Riku must’ve made from the ground (as they were each their pro-bending team’s earthbender). Ming sat in between the Wolfbat fangirls, hardly watching the match. Riku and Kaito (the Buzzard Wasps’ waterbender) sat on a bench by themselves, betting cards between them and studying the two contenders on the dais. Michi was nowhere to be found.

They all greeted him amicably as he sat on the edge of the bench with Riku and Kaito. Then he looked up, wondering exactly who was on the dais.

He was shocked to discover Michi was there, fighting against a top-notch firebender. Michi was jumping back and forth, blocking and dodging the other’s attacks. He was even able to land a few attacks of his own. Tahno stared at them, not at all sure if he should cheer on his brother or drag him away by his ear.

Instead, he watched Michi’s opponent. He was tall and had a spindly build, and was snake-like with his swerves from side-to side. He wore robes of green that contrasted with the flames on his fingers but intensified the amber of his eyes. He had his long white hair gathered in a tight braid at his neck.

Tahno watched as Michi and the older man blasted water and fire back and forth, cheers erupting from the crowd. He realized how much of his brother’s life he had missed. When he had left the swamp little more than four years ago, his brother had been eleven years old, still mastering his waterbending. He had been much shorter then and couldn’t put up much of a fight when he sparred with Tahno. But Tahno watched him now on that dais, holding his own against an timeworn fighter, experienced in firebending. It was astonishing. Tahno realized how little he had thought of his brother, how he had underestimated him all these years. He had always thought him careless and naïve, despite his energy and willingness to learn. But now Tahno saw that he had become clever and perceptive. His nimble feet jumped back and forth, twirling and projecting himself out of his opponent’s reach.

Just then, the crowd went silent; Michi was precariously close to the edge of the dais, one foot still held in the air, poised to land on the ground below. Then the firebender blasted a torrent of fire and Michi ducked and rolled off the stage, accepting defeat. Michi stood and bowed to the man as the crowd cheered. The older man smiled and nodded his head before turning to accept the admiration of the audience. Ming and the fangirls cheered, and Riku graciously gave Kaito his betting money. Michi walked over to them as other benders prepared to start another match.

The others stood to congratulate him. Tahno watched as they began to leave the square and grudgingly began to stand, not sure if he wanted to be left on his own right now. Then, Michi turned round, finally acknowledging Tahno’s presence. “Hey, Tahno, you coming or what?” Tahno gave him a grateful smile and the others waited for him to join their throng. He listened to them talk about the duel, and the matches before it, and for the first time in a long time, he truly missed pro-bending. The feel of his muscles pulling taut as he sprung back and forth, water following closely behind the swipe of his arms. He had accepted that he wouldn’t be getting his bending back, and yet he still missed the feeling of using it.

But he pushed that thought out of his mind and walked with them, allowing his constant thinking and over-analyzing to slip for just a few moments. The numbness flowed through his veins and was sweet on his tongue. A whisper floated between his ears, reminding him of the weeks when he wouldn’t be fully conscious, even when he was awake and walking about. His eyes would be open, but his mind would be lost in tranquil dreams of nothingness. At night he’d have nightmares about drowning, and yet when he would finally escape the depths of sleep, he would miss the water terribly.

Making the decision that he no longer needed his bending was indeed the first step to recovery, but it was only a small step. It would be so easy to fall back into the stupor, away from thoughts of rebuilding and restoration.

But then, it’d be just as easy to go find the Avatar and have her return his bending to him. All this could go away, disappear in a flash, and he could be exactly as he was before. Two tastes began to converge on his tongue, the sweet nectar of giving up, and the hot spice of giving in to temptation. He wrestled with them, his decision from before blazing behind his retinas and bouncing between his eardrums. Would it be so wrong to go back on his word and accept that he wasn’t strong enough, had never been strong enough?

The light of lanterns and the sound of the band playing wafted through the air as they entered the roundabout they had been to before, with the fountain in the middle. More couples were dancing now, as the restaurants and shops began to empty. The festival would be ending soon. Then Avatar Korra would be out of his reach and he wouldn’t get another chance to get his bending back until she had finished her airbending training.

The others walked ahead of him, Michi going off to grab a snack, the Buzzard Wasps wandering toward some other pro-bending teams who were talking about the next match, and Ming’s fangirls fighting over who should dance with him first. He looked over the crowd, caught a glimpse of Miyu and Shaozu, holding tight to each other as they danced. None of them had an existential identity crisis raging war inside their head, none of them had to decide between doing what was best for their future and what would make them feel better right now. His eyes landed on the Avatar, on the other side of the fountain, giving bending back to a few civilians, while her boyfriend stood off to the side, letting her have her moment in the limelight of their gratitude.

His feet began to move, directing him to go to her, to ask for his bending back. Wouldn’t it be better to have it back, to be just as he always had been?

A firm hand grasped his jacket and threw him backward, onto the ground. He landed on his side, the air knocked out of him. He coughed and grabbed his abdomen, abruptly becoming conscious of what he had been about to do.

“Well then, tiger-shark, is this as far as we go? Was I completely and entirely wrong about you? Are you no more than a bender without his bending?” A voice demanded.

He turned round quickly, to see Zanami standing over him, her arms crossed and her eyes glaring. Her face was reserved, the gates closed shut. He felt like a traitor, like a deserter, like he had committed some great crime and he knew he would never be able escape the consequences. “Zan,” he pleaded, “you don’t understand. Bending was my life! I’ve lived without it for two months and I can’t stand it anymore. What am I without it? This?” he said, gesturing to his ashen face, and his elegant clothes that he would never again feel comfortable in.

“You can live without it, Tahno. I know you can. You’ve already shown me how strong you can be.”

“When I have someone standing by me, sure. You believed in me, you showed me that they all did. But that doesn’t change who I am, Zan. That’s just me, riding on the support of others, just I always have. But that can’t last forever, Zan. I have to be the one to ascertain the situation and choose what’s right for myself!”

“That’s my point! Tahno, right now you’re acting on who used to be, the arrogant, cheating pro-bender who couldn’t go one day without insulting someone just for his own benefit. But that’s not who you are anymore, Tahno, and you know it.”

“But I haven’t changed!” he shouted, suddenly becoming aware of the crowd that had formed a semi-circle around them. “I’m just the same as I always was! I’m shameful and weak and utterly useless without my bending. And I’m _terrified_ that nothing will change until I get it back.”

She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to his feet, their faces close together. “That’s what you’re scared of? That nothing will ever get better for you if you don’t have your bending?” She pushed him backward. “Tahno, that’s why I’m here! That’s why I convinced you to leave your apartment!” Her fist connected with his jaw. He was turned round with the momentum, and his feet scrambled to keep him upright. Then she grabbed his shoulder and threw a swift punch to his gut. He doubled over in pain, her arms circling him. “I came to help you, you ungrateful coward. I wanted to help you realize you don’t need bending to be strong!” Then she pushed him backward, and he landed painfully on his tailbone, a sharp agony rushing up his spine. He lied flat on his back, drawing in deep breaths as the flashes of torture rolled through him.

“Alright, everyone, nothing to see here. Go about your frolicking.” Riku commanded as he and Kaito came to stand between Zanami and Tahno.

Kaito kneeled next to him. “Are you alright, Tahno? Anything broken?”

Tahno sat up slowly, the three of them watching him. The pain was subsiding, it was nothing compared to what he used to experience after a difficult pro-bending match. “Nah, it’s fine. Just bruises.” Kaito nodded. He turned toward Zanami.

“Zanami, what’s this about? I’ve never seen you angry like this.” He said, his eyes concerned.

She turned away, crossing her arms. “Tahno was going to ask the Avatar to give him his bending back.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Riku asked, his arms crossed tight.

Zan shook her head and spun round, obviously still wound up tight. “Nothing. Can you give me moment to clear my head?” Riku gave a curt nod. Zan stood upright, her hands clasped below her stomach and her eyes closed tight. She breathed in and out slowly, bursts of sparks issuing from her nose and hands. Then she lunged left and spun loosely, bending the fire in streaks around her. She pulled her hands back together, and released a great sigh. Her eyes opened and were immediately drawn in to Tahno’s gaze. He was caught in a terrible envy, seeing how the fire calmed her. He was suddenly very conscious of all the water around him that he could not bend in his current state. The sweat on his neck, the water in the fountain, even the miniscule droplets on the cobblestones beneath him. Zanami’s gaze narrowed with concern, and Tahno looked at the ground, unexpectedly feeling so very empty.

Kaito and Riku exchanged a look. Kaito stood slowly and Riku sighed. “I guess we’ll leave you two to sort this out.” Riku said, his eyes on Zan. “Don’t go starting anymore fights, Zanami.” She nodded and they went out into the crowd. Her heels clicked on the cobblestones as she came to stand in front of Tahno. He looked up at her slowly, and she offered him her hand. He took it hesitantly, and she gently pulled him to his feet.

“Sorry about that. I would give you some excuse, but it wouldn’t make either of us feel any better about it.” She said, his hand still in hers. He nodded awkwardly, not wanting to speak. She looked away and scratched at the back of her neck with her free hand. “So, anyway . . . did you still want to have your bending returned to you? I did say that you were free to make that choice, despite how I just reacted.”

His eyes met hers. He thought of how he had felt before she had attacked him. He had felt hopeless and alone. He thought of the two weeks after he lost his bending, when he only knew desperate detachment. He thought of the moment after she had attacked him; him feeling like a traitor, a deserter. She had come to help him, despite that she previously had no desire to do so. She had given him support and advice. She had pushed him to stand up against his fear, and she was now giving him the chance to make his own decision, despite her own opinions.

He slowly shook his head. “No. Before you attacked me, I wasn’t even fully conscious of my actions. I don’t know if I still would’ve gone to Korra, had I been more aware, but I do know that it would’ve been wrong. Part of me wants to go to her still, but I want to believe that you were right. That I am strong enough to live without it. And if not that, I do think you were right in saying that even with my bending back, I still would not feel any better.” She gave a small smile and squeezed his hand gently. “However,” he continued, “I would like to go back home now. I’m a little worse for wear.” He rubbed his lower back absentmindedly.

She nodded. “Let’s just find Michi first; I don’t want Shaozu and Ming mad at us later for having to lend him space for another night.”

“Okay.” They set off, hand-in-hand. The others said goodnight when they had passed them, but Zan and Tahno only nodded kindly, not wanting to pop the comfortable silence surrounding them. They often walked close together through the crowd, forcing occasional inconsequential touching of their bodies. But then sometimes the linking of their hands was the only thing keeping them from losing one another.

When they had finally found Michi, he protested so heartily, it was as if they were cruelly dragging him back by his ears to the apartment. But Tahno knew from when they were kids that he wasn’t really upset, for had he been, he would’ve used his waterbending, and any other tactic he had. Tahno showed him the spare room, pushed him inside before he could argue more, and went to back to the front room, where Zanami was waiting for him. She stood with her back to him, leaning against the counter, and staring out the window into his garden. He came up next to her and she turned toward him. “It’s a shame to see it in this state. I remember how nice it was, when you held your last party, the night of the semi-finals.”

“Yeah.” He looked out over it, his heart yearning to care for the plants and nurture them back to health. “Maybe I’ll try to fix it up. It’d be something to do, I suppose.”

“Even more than that, helping the plants could ease your recovery as well. It won’t be easy, trying make yourself feel whole. Maybe Ming and Shaozu could take you to the gym and help you to get back in shape. And my teammates could take you and Michi shopping, as he didn’t bring much for clothes with him, and your clothes don’t fit you properly anymore.”

Tahno nodded. “What about you? Are you going to do anything else to help me?”

She looked away. “I’ll help with anything I can. If you still want me around.”

“Sure I do, Zan. Without you I wouldn’t be feeling at all inclined towards recovery.”

She looked back at him, her eyes wary, but her grin revealed her relief. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He said, placing his hand on hers. He looked away, out at the dying plants and the night sky beyond them. “Thank you for that by the way.”

“Of course,” she whispered. For a short moment they stayed there, staring into the prospect of hope, then they went to the door to say goodbye. “Goodnight, Tahno. I’ll bome by tomorrow, to help you with the garden.”

“Alright. Would you bring some seeds with you? Any will do.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.” He stood there awkwardly with his hands buried in his pockets and she slowly turned the doorknob.

Then, in a spur of the moment, she had turned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She buried her face into his neck and hair, and he hesitantly embraced her middle. “I’m so sorry I hurt you before, and I’m so glad you didn’t go back on your word,” she whispered. “You don’t know what that means to me.”

He laughed softly and stroked her hair. “It’s no big deal. You were right to stop me.” He paused, unsure. Then he asked, “but why were you so angry about it anyway?”

She pulled back, and sheepishly stared at his coat buttons. “Because . . .” she narrowed her eyes and sighed, before looking back up at him. “I can’t tell you. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, I assure you. But I’m still very upset about it, and if I talk about it I’ll either light something on fire or burst into tears. I’ll tell you later, I promise.”

He nodded and they hugged again briefly. Then she left and Tahno went to his bedroom. He got into bed quickly and closed his eyes, hoping his nightmares wouldn’t return.


	2. 2: Commencement

_2: Commencement_

 

Tahno was sleeping deeply in his bed. He was dreaming of water—as he usually did—but instead of it being about drowning, or rain falling over him, or the illusion that he could still manipulate it, he was just sitting by the bank of a shallow pool. He sat with his legs crossed, his back straight, and his fists against each other, like he was meditating. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly, peace settling in the base of his spine. Then, an captivating yet indiscernible whisper suddenly flowed through his ears, taking over his thoughts. It sounded like a women’s voice, but what was more noticeable was how resonant and authoritative it was. She began to list off commands quickly, one after another, too fast, too loud, and Tahno couldn’t understand a word of it. In his dream, Tahno held his hands over his ears, attempting to block the sound.

\--

Tahno woke up then, his eyes focusing on the starlit sky outside his open window. His eyebrows furrowed. He hadn’t opened the window last night. He sat up and heard someone hum from behind him. He turned round and let out a yelp of shock, as he was surprised to see a woman sitting beside him on his bed, in the same meditating position he had held in his dream. She was narrowly built and had dark skin littered with darker freckles and moles. Her black hair was gathered into a short braid resting on her shoulder. There were gray streaks running through it, and her face was slightly aged, with her skin pulled a bit tight to reach her high cheekbones. She wore a draped tunic with loose pants that were tightened around her ankles. It reminded him of the robes that monks and air acolytes would wear.

“Who are you? What are you doing here? How did you get into my apartment?” Tahno demanded.

She gave a slight smile without opening her eyes or turning toward him. “Through the window,” she answered honestly. “I was just attempting to wake you. I have a proposal for you. A remedial mission, of sorts.”

He was so shocked by the words he didn’t bother to protest her presence a second time. “A remedial mission? What does _that_ mean?” Tahno questioned indignantly, not sure he wanted to listen.

“If you complete the tasks I ask of you, you may be able to . . . retrieve something that you have lost.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Nothing will come of it,” she answered nonchalantly, “you don’t have to do what I ask. What you’ve lost is not something that can be damaged or lessened in order to blackmail you, nor is it necessary for your survival. But it is something you might appreciate having in your life again. Besides, you have already completed the first of the tasks. I have come to aid you the rest of the way. If you want to continue upon this path, you must suspend your doubts and trust in me.”

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you cannot do this alone. You need my help.”

Tahno shook his head. “No, I meant why would I continue on this path? What is it that I have lost?”

“It was something that appears to be taken from you, but in actuality is only barred from your access. You can regain it, if you complete certain tasks. These tasks are currently unknown to you, and therefore I have come to tell you what they are.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

She chuckled and Tahno bristled. He didn’t trust her. Why wouldn’t she just give straight answers?

“If I were to tell you what it is you are retrieving, you would be rendered incapable of finishing the process, as you’d become more focused on the goal, rather than the tasks leading up to it. Or you may decide to not complete the tasks at all, without considering the subsidiary benefits. However I will tell you that, given the right information, you could very easily determine what it is that I’m asking you to do. I’d recommend going to a library and getting a book about spiritual energies, but it isn’t necessary if you’re willing to trust me.”

“I’m not someone who trusts easily.”

She laughed again and relaxed her pose. She opened her eyes and turned toward him, smiling. “No, I didn’t think so. Which makes me surprised that you were able to complete the first task, even with the female firebender pushing you rather forcefully along.”

Tahno eyebrows furrowed, focusing on her dark brown irises. “I don’t understand.”

“Last night you fully accepted your current situation, becoming unafraid of all that you have been terrified of during the last few months. That would have been the first task: letting go of your fears. Now to move on to the second.”

“Which is?”

She gave a slight smile. She stood and moved around the bed and to the window. “The next step is letting go of your guilt. Whatever you blame yourself for, you must let it go.” She turned back toward him, her hand on the window frame. “I will be visiting again soon. Do not dally, young bender. This is not something that you can delay. And you cannot stop once you have agreed to begin. Will you do the tasks I ask of you?”

“Is this safe?” he asked, his voice quivering. If he was going to attempt something without a goal, he wanted to at least know if he would survive the endeavor. “I don’t even know who you are.”

“You’ve seen my face before, Tahno. I would tell you how, but it would bring up questions that you should not know the answers to, at least not yet. My name’s Kokoro, though, if you must know. And it is safe; I’ve done the tasks myself, and have taught others to do the same. But unlike you, there was nothing for us to find, as we hadn’t lost anything in the first place. It will be interesting to see if you succeed.”

He gave a slight nod. “I suppose I could attempt the tasks, then, if they really are safe.”

She smiled at him and pulled on her hood. “It is safe. Practically harmless, in fact. All the tasks are resolved within your own mind, just as the first was. The only expense is the discomfort that comes with having to face hard truths about you and your past. But I believe the benefits from the experience will be worth your discomfort.”

“If you believe so.” He gave a brief smile before staring down at his hands, clenched nervously around his blankets. “Do you think I’ll succeed?”

But there was only silence around him. He turned to see that she had left. He went to window and saw that she had jumped to fire escape on the side of the building. She looked up and waved at him, before jumping over the railing, not bothering with the steps. Tahno closed the window and went back to bed, not sure what he had just agreed to. He rolled over and swiftly fell asleep, all thoughts of her and her tasks evaporating into peaceful sleep.

Sadly, his peace was not to last.

“Wake up, tiger-shark. Those plants aren’t gonna come back to life on their own.”

Tahno opened his eyes and sat up quickly. Zan was there, in his bedroom, opening the curtains to the overcast sunlight. “What are you doing here? How did you get in my apartment?”

“Michi let me in. But he’s gone now; he went to have breakfast with my teammates. They wanted to show him ‘round town a bit.” Zan smiled and went to sit at his side. Tahno was suddenly very glad that, after he had lost his bending, he had taken to wearing comfy pajamas to bed, rather than the very little clothing he had worn before, when he had felt comfortable in his own skin.

He stared at Zan. Her hair, minus her fire-nation loop, was twisted in a long braid, like she would wear during pro-bending matches. She was dressed simply, in clothes that she could get dirty in. Tahno finally met her amber eyes and realized that she had been watching him too. Suddenly he felt warm in his cheeks, and realized he was blushing. He looked away from her and coughed awkwardly. Tahno hadn’t blushed in years. He couldn’t understand why it was happening now.

“Anyway, it got cold again this morning. Dress warmly and we should be fine.” She said and patted his knee. He looked up as she stood, unsure if she had read into his current uneasiness. “I’ll go make some breakfast quick while you dress, alright?” Tahno nodded and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Tahno groaned and buried his head into his pillow. How was he supposed to spend the day with Zan, in his garden, fixing his plants, when all he wanted to do was go back to sleep and forget that his life was changing again. It may be changes for the better, but they weren’t going to be easy to complete.

Tahno sighed and grudgingly got up out of bed. He went to his wardrobe and chose some dark clothes that he wouldn’t mind getting filthy, and one of his jackets. He quickly got dressed and ran his brush though his hair. It hung around his face, smooth and only slightly wavy, compared to how he used to wear it. He sighed again and pulled on his shoes before going to the front room.

Zanami stood at the counter, gently brushing her flaming fingertips over pieces of bread. Tahno went to stand next to her and began making tea. He carried a tray with the tea, cups, and a bottle of honey over to the low table, while she brought the plates of buttered toast. He grabbed an extra cushion from the dresser and she turned on the radio as they sat down and began to eat. “Is it going to rain today?” he asked, looking at the dreary sky outside the window. She must have pulled aside the drapes when she arrived, as he hadn’t done so since lost his bending.

“Probably. We’ll have to be efficient about fixing your plants if we don’t want to get caught in the rain. Michi and my teammates will come back in the afternoon to pick you up for a late lunch. They could take you and Michi to shop for clothes after, if you’re up for it. Does that sound alright?” She looked over at him.

He nodded. “Sure.” They continued chewing and sometimes Zan would begin humming along with the song on the radio between bites. “Do you listen to this station a lot?” He asked.

“Yeah. I like a lot of the songs they play. Plus, a friend of mine plays in a band that is often featured.”

“Is this one of their songs?”

“Oh, no. The Sparrowkeets’ songs are much more rowdy and brash. I think the radio hosts would call them ‘rock’ songs, although I don’t know what rocks have to do with it. No, I think this song is by Grace and the Pipes. Do you hear the soft tune in the background? It’s played by a couple of flutes.”

He nodded and she gave him a smile. “Do you like their songs?” he asked.

“Yeah, well enough. But I personally would rather listen to ‘Rock’. Grace and the Pipes write songs that are more classical, kinda geared toward dancing.”

He nodded again. “Did Grace and the Pipes make the song we danced to yesterday?”

“Yeah. My mother and I used to love listening to that song together. It would come on the radio at my apartment, then I’d call her and she’d turn on her radio, and we’d start singing along over the phone.” She smiled, staring at the wall, probably reminiscing.

“Do you not do that anymore?” he pried.

“No,” she said after a moment, “I guess we don’t. She’s so busy all the time; she’s never at home when I call her. I go over there often, to help my dad, but she’s never there.”

“Why?”

She looked over at me, her eyes questioning and her mouth open, hesitating. Then she looked down at her food. “I don’t want to talk about it Tahno.” She took another bite of her toast and chewed loudly.

“Is it at all related to why you were mad at me yesterday? For wanting to ask Korra for my bending back?”

She sighed. “I said I don’t want to talk about it Tahno.” She paused and looked over at him. He offered her a small smile and she smiled back. “But yes, I suppose, they are related some. I’ll tell you about it later.”

His smile turned playful as he turned away. “Alright, I’ll hold you to it. You’ve promised that to me twice now.”

She laughed and shoved his shoulder. “Glad to see you’ve still got your teasing side. It may be a little rough on the edges, but it’ll shape up soon enough.” He laughed and bumped her shoulder with his. They finished eating and took the dirty dishes to the sink. He washed while Zan dried. He watched her over his shoulder and was surprised to see that after she used the rag on a dish, she would also use her firebending to ensure that there weren’t any droplets left over. She probably didn’t even realize she was doing it, or at least not the significance of it. She used her bending as a constant extension of herself, allowing her to complete simple tasks better and faster. She wasn’t dependent on it, like others benders might be, but rather she took advantage of the talent she had and put it to good use. She could live her life without bending, but Zan wasn’t one to take things for granted. At least, that was what Tahno concluded.

Zan and Tahno had known each other for three years, ever since the Wolfbats won their first championship. Their teams were both rookies then, and despite the competition, had always been on good terms with each other. The Wolfbats had even invited them to their victory party and done the same for the next two years. But despite all this, Zan and Tahno hadn’t actually become friends until now. As he had told Michi in letters, he couldn’t help liking her and trusting her. He could determine the facets of her personality—stubborn, honest, confident, and sympathetic—but he didn’t yet understand how it all came and fit together. He didn’t know anything about her past.

But then, she didn’t know much of his either.

“So, ready to go help those plants?” she asked.

“Sure, let me just get these,” He grabbed the wilting flower on the windowsill, and Zan helped him to gather the few others around the room. Then she hoisted a small bag over her shoulder, and they went out to the garden. The small bag was full of little packets of seeds and gardening tools. Tahno went to the unkempt shed in the corner and gathered his watering can, a few gardening tools of his own, and a couple empty pots.

“How do you know if any of them are still alive? They look . . . dead.” Zan said, her hands grasping at the leaves of a wilted fern.

Tahno turned back toward her and gave a small smile. “I’ll show you.” He set down his things at an empty table and brought a small snipping tool to her and the plant. He cut a small tear into the base of the leaf, then showed the inside to Zanami. “See the color of the inside? It’s still a bright green. If we give it some new soil, water and trim it, it might still survive. Probably shouldn’t cut into them much though. We also shouldn’t water them too much, since it’ll be raining later. Don’t want to drown them.”

She nodded. “What do we do with the plants that are dead?”

He looked around at the garden. Even with rainfall and sunlight, two months without regulated water would be too much for some of them. “We throw them away,” he said, gesturing to the large metal trashcan in the corner. “I’ll take them to the recycler tomorrow or later this week. It’s not a problem, Zan. Plants die all the time.”

She nodded again and looked back at the plant in her hands.

“It’s my fault for not taking care of them,” he said solemnly, after a moment of watching her.

She turned back toward him quickly. “ _No_ , Tahno. Don’t blame yourself like that. You had your own problems to take care of, and there’s no point in those thoughts now. All you can do is try to fix them. Don’t beat yourself up about it. C’mon.” She grabbed his hand and they began the work. They moved live plants to new pots, and gave them soil and water. Then pots that held dead plants were emptied and cleaned for the others.

Then when they had saved all they could, they planted several pots with the seeds Zan had bought. Zan and he talked while they did it, Tahno catching up on things that occurred during the last two months, and Zan learning how to do various things to help the plants. He could see her enjoying it, reveling in the task, but there was a difference resonating through her actions: she was out of her element. She hadn’t used firebending once since they began taking care of the plants. If Tahno had had his bending, he would have used it constantly, running the water through the soil, moving the water through the plants and having them face the sky above. He thought it would pain him to think of what he was incapable of doing, but seeing Zan unable to do it too, it made him feel better. Maybe things weren’t as bad as they seemed, despite the changes being made to his life.

“Last one.” Zan said, offering him a pot with dirt. He pushed a few seeds into the dirt and she watered them. They set all the pots in straight rows and put away the gardening tools.

“Thanks for helping me, Zan.” Tahno said as they stared at their handiwork.

She smiled and bumped his shoulder with hers. “Sure thing, Tahno.” Thunder resounded overhead and they looked up at the sky. Clouds had gathered, but it wasn’t raining just yet. They gathered the plants that would go inside and left the garden. Tahno returned the plants to their proper places while Zan went to sit down on the sofa.

Someone knocked at the door and Tahno went to open it. “Hey there, Tahno,” Kaito said and came to stand casually just inside the room. He had a bag over his shoulder and a pair of keys in hand. He gestured over behind him. “Riku and Michi are waiting in my car.”

“What about Hasook?” Zan asked as she stood.

Kaito gave a wan smile. “Late.”

“As always,” she said jokingly, but Tahno could see pain and anger in her expression.

“You two ready to go then?” Kaito asked.

“Um,” Zan mumbled, looking down at her dirty hands and then at the smudges on her clothes. “Not just yet.” She started to move around the room frantically, as if she was searching for something.

“Oh, right.” Kaito said and took the bag off his shoulder. “We met Miyu in town and she said you forgot your change of clothes, so I brought them for you.” He offered it to her and she took it.

“Oh, thank you!” she smiled at him and went to the bathroom to dress quickly.

Tahno looked down at himself and was met by stains and smudges of his own. “I’ll just be minute,” he said, heading to the hallway.

“Yeah, sure.” Kaito said and flopped himself onto the couch.

A few minutes later, Tahno and Zan had both returned to the front room, wearing fresher clothes. Kaito stood and they left the apartment swiftly. Tahno turned toward Zan as they walked down the stairs. “Thanks again for coming,” he said.

“You’re welcome.” She gave him a smile and they turned the corner to the last flight of stairs.

“Has he always come late to your dates? Hasook, I mean.”

Zan nodded. “Yeah. He gets preoccupied, and then he doesn’t watch the time. He was better at it when we started out, but it’s been getting worse. I don’t know why.”

Tahno paused in thought as they continued to walk down the stairs. “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Yeah, but I just . . . I don’t know. I like him. More than most of the other boyfriends I’ve had. But sometimes I don’t know if that’s enough to afford me tolerating his tardiness.”

They walked the last flight of stairs. “I guess I’ll see you later then.” Tahno said.

“Sure. I’ll let you know.” Zan winked and leaned against the wall, ready to wait for Hasook.

Tahno walked out the door, and Kaito followed swiftly behind. They hurried into the car as rain began to fall, the pounding sound of it hitting the car loud in Tahno’s ears. Riku was sitting in the passenger seat, and Tahno sat with Michi in the back as Kaito started the engine.

“We’re meeting Shaozu and Ming at Narook’s Seaweed Noodle Shop, that traditional water tribe noodle place you guys used to eat at all the time.”

“Cool.” Tahno said as he strapped in. The others began to talk as they rode along. There was a pro-bending match this week, between two of the other teams. It was mid-winter now, so there weren’t any large competitions going on except for preliminary matches for new and old teams that had to prove they were worthy for the championships coming in the summer and fall. Tahno missed it, not just pro-bending itself, but also watching the other teams and seeing what moves they would use against each other. Maybe he would go to it with his friends, now that he was back on speaking terms with them. Michi would probably love to see a real pro-bending match before he went back to the swamp.

Kaito seemed to come to this conclusion as well. “You want to come with us Tahno?” He asked as he glanced at him in the rearview mirror. “Michi already agreed to before we picked you up. Zanami and Miyu will be there too, along with Hasook and your old teammates. It’ll be a blast. What do you say?”

Michi bumped Tahno’s arm and smiled at him. “C’mon it’ll be great!”

Tahno smiled back. “Okay, sure. It sounds like fun.”

And with that, Tahno had plans for the weekend.

Soon after, they arrived at the noodle shop. They hurried inside, sheltering their heads from the rain with their arms. Riku told the greeter we were with Ming and Shaozu, and she led them to their table. “Hey! There he is, back from the dead! How you doing Tahno?” Ming joked loudly. The others laughed as they sat.

Tahno smiled at him. “I’m good. But you know, you did see me last night at the festival, Ming.”

Ming laughed. “Yeah, but that was more like seeing a ghost. This, seeing you for a second day in a row, this is a gift.” He grinned brightly at Tahno nodded, chuckling. The waitress came round and gave fresh tea and bowls of noodles. The six of them sat together, comfortable and jovial, making jokes about anything and everything. They caught up on things they missed, and they planned for things in the future. Tahno felt safe, secure, and at home sitting here among his former teammates, Zan’s teammates, and his brother. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel guilty for abandoning them. He felt . . . better. Almost normal. He smiled and laughed, and even contributed to the jokes sometimes. It was like gears of a clock that hadn’t worked right in years, had suddenly chimed again, and all the gears fit perfectly together as they counted the seconds. Maybe everything really would turn out alright, in the end.

After they were done eating, Ming and Shaozu took Tahno and his brother out to shop for clothing. It had been normal occurrence for Tahno, back in his pro-bending days. As he and his team were often in the spotlight—for being rookies and then for being champions—being dressed fashionably was something important to them. So they walked through different shops, finding tunics and jackets and pants and anything else Tahno and Michi needed. Tahno paid for most of it, but Ming and Shaozu insisted that they pay for some things as well.

Then Ming drove them back to Tahno’s apartment. The four of them carried the shopping bags inside the lobby, up the lift, and into Tahno’s loft. Tahno set his down on the sofa, while Michi took his to the spare room.

“Thanks guys, for being patient with me, and for welcoming me back. I know I was difficult before, and it means a lot that you guys are being so understanding about it.” Tahno said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the ground.

“No worries, man. We always knew you’d snap out of it eventually.” Ming said, as he clapped Tahno on the back.

“And even if it took years, we would’ve still been willing to accept whatever decision you made. You’re our friend Tahno.” Tahno smiled and gave them each a bear-hug as they left, comfortable in knowing that he’d see them again tomorrow when they went to the pro-bending match.

He closed the door and took his shopping bags to his room and set them down in his closet. He’d put them in their proper places tomorrow.

An hour or so later, after Michi and he had eaten a light supper, they sat on the couch together, listening to the radio. “Hey Michi,” Tahno asked, looking at him. Michi turned toaward him, smiling. “Thanks for coming out here. I know I was stubborn before, and I had never invited you out here during the almost four years I’ve lived here, but thank you for coming anyway. It really helped.”

“Sure, Tahno. You would’ve done the same for me, had something happened in the swamp. Don’t worry about it.” Tahno narrowed his eyes in thought, but didn’t respond. “Anyway, I need to get some sleep. It’s been a long day.” He patted Tahno’s shoulder and stood. He yawned and stretched as he went. “Goodnight, Tahno.”

“Oh? Oh yeah, goodnight Michi.” He said, shaking his head of the thoughts that had distracted him. He yawned slowly then stood and went to his room. There was knock on the window, and he turned to see a silhouette of woman behind it. He nodded at her and motioned for her to come in. She opened the window and stepped inside, drawing down her hood. It was Kokoro.

“How’d your day go? Did you complete my task?” She asked.

“Yeah, I think so. I had been feeling a lot of guilt actually, for abandoning my plants, my friends, and my brother. But now, I don’t feel like it was my fault. It was out of my control.” Tahno said as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Kokoro nodded. “Alright, good. The next task is to let go of any shame you feel. Whatever you may feel embarrassed by, you must release it. I’ll be rather busy this next week, so I may not come back for a few days. That does not, however, lessen the importance of this task. Each task is just as essential as the last. Think you can handle that?”

Tahno nodded and Kokoro smiled, pulling back on her hood. “I’ll see you next week then.” She waved and stepped out the window.

“Thank you, Kokoro. For doing this, I mean.” Tahno said. She nodded at him and closed the window before making her way down the fire escape and into the dark night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Sorry for my long hiatus. Life gets crazy sometimes.
> 
> Anyway, I am continuing "Inhibitions"! I know Legend of Korra (and especially Tahno) are not very 'mainstream' anymore, but writing "Inhibitions" specifically has become rather therapeutic for me. The character arc I've outlined for Tahno reflects much of what has been going on in my own life - dealing with depression and anxiety, having to change my view of myself, and accepting my fears, failures, shames, loss, etc.
> 
> Furthermore, by exploring Tahno, I've gotten to flesh out a few headcanons I had from LoK Season One. When S1 ended, it left myself and many other fans reeling. The "Deus ex Machina" of Aang showing up and giving back Korra's bending thru the Avatar State was jarring and offered no way for the victims of Amon's attacks to heal or recover their bending without 'otherworldly' intervention.  
> However, I understand that the writers of Lok were only given so much screentime to tell S1's story, and that much of seasons 2-4 were spent giving us closure over S1's shortcomings. By empowering Korra during season 2, and having her hero's journey of seasons 3&4, they showed her growth, and how she would deal with loss, depression, and recovery. Which I am very thankful for.
> 
> But in "Inhibitions" I get to explore how might a now-nonbender like Tahno recover from traumatic events without being the avatar, and without getting his bending back easily. As well as fleshing out the identities and stories of Zanami, Kokoro, Michi, and several NPCs from the show itself.
> 
> I have completed Chapter 3 and am currently working on a Ch 3b (I'll explain why I'm separating them in 3b's notes). I will be posting them at the beginning of August 2017, along with plans for the chapters after them. I hope you will join me during Tahno's journey.
> 
> Again, thank you for reading!


	3. 3: Instability

_3: Instability_

 

The pro-bending match was to take place in the late afternoon, so Tahno wasn’t sure what to do with himself when he awoke in the morning. He needed to put away his new clothes, and check on his plants, and eat something, and, and, and…

Tahno turned over under the covers. Being awake and productive seemed like such an arduous task. He felt like he could just fall back asleep, leave everything for later. He knew that it wasn’t a good idea, he knew it wouldn’t help him any in the long run, but it would give him temporary solace, and that was tempting.

“Tahno?” Michi’s voice came from behind the bedroom door, followed by a soft knocking.

Tahno groaned, emphasizing the sound so that Michi could hear.

Michi chuckled and rapped a little harder on the door. “Wake up, big bro! Time for breakfast!”

Tahno sat up straight, his mind reeling. “Don’t touch anything! I’ll be out in a sec!” He heard his brother laughing fade as he walked away from the door. Tahno groaned again, but this time he was the only one who would hear it.

Tahno took a breath, steadying himself. Maybe it was good that his brother was here for the time being; it gave him a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Tahno threw off the covers and trudged his way out of his bedroom and to the kitchen. It looked just as he’d left it.

His brother was leaning against the counter, not in pajamas, but fully dressed, and smirking. “I wasn’t gonna cook in your kitchen, bro. We’re going out on the streets for breakfast.”

Tahno frowned, looking down at his pajamas. “I didn’t-”

Michi stepped forward from the counter, placing his hands on his hips. “Go on, get dressed. We’ll water your plants quick before we leave too.”

Tahno let out a breath, a smile easing into place. “Do you always have to tease me?”

Michi grinned wider. “Yup! Glad to see I can still rile you up even with you having been a pro-bending champion for three years.”

“Four years.” Tahno corrected.

“You cheated that game. Doesn’t count.”

Tahno slumped, crossing his arms. “We were bribed, same as the refs. The league knows that, and they still recognize us as holding the title of champions.”

“Wait, what?” Michi asked, surprised.

Tahno looked away, scratching the back of his neck. “A few nights before the final match, a stranger cornered us after our practice at the arena. He bribed us to do whatever we could to win the tournament, even cheat. We protested, saying we could win without his help, plus cheating would get us disqualified. But he explained that he had already bribed the refs for the final match. Shaozu was against it, but Ming saw it as a win-win scenario, since we didn’t have to bribe the refs ourselves, we’d be paid to cheat, and we’d get the championship pot.”

“And you?” Michi asked.

Tahno sighed. “You know who I was then. Being a champion pro-bender was all that mattered. I found ways to reason with myself, even if I knew it was wrong. I wanted to be reigning champ. I wanted to have a victory party. I wanted to keep showing up the avatar herself. So we took the bribe.” Tahno looked back to Michi. “When Amon demanded the tournament be cancelled over the radio, we thought maybe it served us right for taking a bribe, but at least no one else would get the title either. But the match wasn’t cancelled, so we cheated despite our misgivings. Didn’t work out in our favor in the end though.”

Images flashed through Tahno’s mind: the spurts of electricity across the crowd, the Equalist Lieutenant electrifying the pool below, Amon and his henchmen appearing in the ring. Tahno and his teammates had fought back, overconfident after their victory, but were very quickly defeated.

Tahno shut his eyes, shaking his head. He didn’t want to see it, he didn’t want to feel it again, he didn’t want-

“Tahno? Are you okay?” Michi asked. Tahno looked about. Michi’s hands were on his shoulders, holding him steady. His own hands were clammy and shaking at his sides. Tahno looked to Michi’s face, contorted with worry.

Tahno took a few breaths to steady himself. “We told the police about the bribe after the attack. They said the man had probably been an equalist, ensuring that whoever won would’ve cheated their way there. We were easy targets for them. After, with us having lost our bending, we didn’t really feel like champions. We donated the pot, and more, equal to the bribe, to help restore the arena.”

Michi stared at him, his eyes full of pity. “No wonder you became so…despondent.”

Tahno nodded. “I was afraid of living without my bending. I blamed myself for being consumed by my fear and abandoning my life. I’m ashamed of having cheated and falling right into Amon’s plans. And that I have nothing now. Without bending, my life has been empty.”

Michi gave a comforting smile. “He was a terrorist, Tahno. He knew exactly how to target your team, just as chi-blockers know where to jab. You can exist and live outside of what happened to you. You were never just a bender or a champion.”

Tahno gave a weak smile, feeling his muscles relax at his brother’s words. “Thanks, Michi.” They embraced, Michi’s curls brushing at Tahno’s cheek. Tahno took comfort in it, glad his brother was there for him.

Michi pulled back, a sparkle back in his eyes. “You go get ready, no rush. Need to call mom anyway.”

“What did you tell her when you left anyway?”

“Didn’t tell her. But I did leave a note that said I was visiting you in Republic City. The ride on the ferry took a couple days, but I managed.”

Tahno raised his eyebrows. “You’ve been gone from home for four days without having called mom?”

“Well, five, if you count today.”

“Kid, you are in so much trouble.” Michi shrugged and Tahno shook his head. “You better not tell her this was my idea, or I’ll throw you on a ship back home _before_ the pro-bending match tonight.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Michi grinned. “Besides, she’s been worried sick about you. She’ll be glad to know you’re doing better.”

Tahno’s face fell, shame coloring his cheeks. “Tell her I’m sorry for not contacting her. And that I miss her.”

“No worries. She’s been thinking of moving us out here, to be closer to you. If she comes to get me, we can go looking for availabilities before going back.”

“But she’s always been so accustomed to the swamp. I went to live on my own because she wouldn’t budge from home.”

“And because I was pretty young. She wanted us to grow up as a part of that culture, to always know we were connected to things around us. But I’m older now, and I think us being together matters more to her. We’ve missed having you around.”

“Well, I won’t object to seeing you guys more too. It’d be great to show her my garden, and Republic City Park.”

“She’ll be glad to hear it. Now go get dressed.”

Ten or so minutes later, Tahno had gotten dressed, watered the plants, and Michi had finished talking with their mom over the phone. Together they headed down the lift and out of the four-story apartment building.

They walked to where the festival had been held three days ago. There were restaurants just opening, and street vendors with the savory smell of cooking breakfast food. Tahno and Michi bought some steamed buns stuffed with meat and veggies, and walked as they ate. The sun was bright in the sky, warm and inviting. There were a few puddles from yesterday, but the warmth would soon dry them. Tahno knew that this good weather wouldn’t last, but he’d take it while he had it.

After eating, they decided to take a trolley to Republic City Park. Tahno wanted to show Michi his favorite places to connect with nature. The trees were bare, and the ground was soft from the rain, and there were some leftover snow piles around, but the air was clean and rich, and the park was populated with kids playing, their parents walking leisurely behind them.

They spent a few hours in the park, Tahno pointing out lakes and trees that reminded him of the swamp. Sometimes they sat on the edge of fountains to rest their feet, and Michi would make the water dance for the children playing nearby. Then Tahno would splash him for showing off. They’d laugh and tease each other, easily falling back into the brotherly comraderie that they had missed out on for more than three years.

Eventually, they went back to the residential areas for a late lunch and then back to Tahno’s apartment. Tahno went to his room to put away his new clothing from yesterday, and Michi lounged on the couch, listening to the radio, and dozing a little.

Tahno took comfort in the leisure, but he also fretted over what he would do tomorrow and during the next week. In the past two months he spent his days mostly sleeping or wallowing in the absence of his bending. But Tahno didn’t want to fall back into that slump.

Tahno resolved to talk to Ming and Shaozu about it at the pro-mending match, and spend tomorrow finding ways to spend his hours. Maybe he could get a part-time job. He did need something to replace his discontinued pro-bending income.

About two hours later it was time to meet the others at the pro-bending arena. Tahno and Michi took the lift to the ground floor then exited the building. Tahno hailed a cab and directed the driver to the pro-bending arena. The setting sun gleamed golden over the backdrop of Republic City, with fluffy white clouds drifting in. As the cabbie drove, the coast came into view, and the shining Pro-bending Arena lit up the night. There was hardly a sign of the damage Amon and the equalists had done two months ago. It was just as spectacular as it had been the first time he’d seen it, and every time after that.

Tahno looked over to Michi and saw the light reflected in his dark eyes, wonder and awe spread across his face. Michi’s eyes connected to Tahno’s and they smiled at each other. Tahno was glad to be showing Michi the splendor of his former life.

Tahno paid the cabbie, and they got out to head to the arena. There was a throng of people either strolling along the pier, or making their way through to the arena entrance. Tahno and Michi followed along, making small talk.

Tahno paid the entrance fee and led Michi to where he and the Wolfbats had formerly sat when viewing matches rather than participating in them. Ming, Shaozu, and the fangirls Ren and Aiko were already gathered round there, and they welcomed Tahno and Michi to sit among them. They said that Kaito and Riku were buying snacks, and that Miyu, Zan, and Hasook were probably on their way.

Ten minutes later, the arena was sufficiently packed, and Miyu and the Buzzard Wasps finally made their way over to the Wolfbats, sitting in the seats the others had saved for them. Kaito, Riku, Ming, and the fangirls were in one row, and Shaozu, Miyu, Zan, Tahno, and Michi in the row below them.

“Hey, where’s Hasook?” Ming asked.

Zan shook her head, leaning back into the seat. “Not coming. He called before we left.” Her eyes were tight at the corners, but she tried to smile. “I told him I’d call him afterward to chew him out.”

“Huh. He hasn’t shown up for any pro-bending practices this week either.”

Zan shrugged, turning forward, away from him. Ming and Shaozu shared a frustrated look. Then they collectively sighed and turned back toward the arena. Tahno brushed her shoulder with his, and she gave him a withered but pointed look. “I’m fine, Tahno.” She took a breath and relaxed a little. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” Tahno said and sat straight.

Shiro Shinobi’s voice rang out over the speakers, and the crowd cheered at his greeting. He introduced the two new teams facing off.

First were the Turtle Ducks, in greenish uniforms, consisting of a stocky female firebender, a red-haired male waterbender, and a lanky male earthbender. The other team were the Shirsu Pups, in brown and black uniforms, consisting of a broody female waterbender, a dark-skinned male firebender, and a female earthbender with long, dark hair.

Shiro gave a short run-down of the rules for the crowd, and then the teams took their stances. There was a beat of silence, then the ref blew his whistle, signaling the start of the match. The Shirsu Pups’ earthbender bent three earth disks forward, two toward the Turtle Ducks’ firebender, the third doing a wide arc to protect his own waterbender from the Turtle Ducks’ earthbender. The Ducks’ waterbender tried to take advantage of the earthbender’s distraction, but then the Pups’ firebender shot forward to bend fire toward him, and he quickly doused the flames. The teams went back and forth, the Pups effectively able to force the Ducks back a zone.

Then, the Pups seemed to shift slightly, changing tactic. The Pups spread out as they attacked, forcing the Ducks to dodge toward the center, rather than the outside edges. The Ducks took defensive stances, and despite coming closer together, they held their ground in their second zone. True to their name, they were like turtle ducks, defensive, yet impenetrable. It seemed to frustrate the Pups’ earthbender, but the Pups’ waterbender got cocky, throwing a burst of water at the Ducks’ firebender. There was a collective gasp from the crowd when she ducked, the water instead flying toward the Ducks’ waterbender, whom grinned as he bent the water back at the Pups’ waterbender with greater force. The Pups’ waterbender was doused, and fell back to the Pups’ first zone.

The Pups’ earthbender lounged forward angrily, throwing a disc toward the Ducks’ waterbender, whom was protected by the Ducks’ earthbender. The Ducks’ firebender took advantage of the side that was opened and threw a burst of fire toward the Pups’ earthbender, nearly forcing him back into their first zone with their waterbender. The Ducks’ waterbender lunged and sent water toward the Pups’ earthbender, and his dodge placed his foot back into their first zone just as the time buzzer rang out. Despite the Ducks being able to send two of the Pups back a zone, the round ultimately belonged to the Pups, putting them in the lead.

Shiro Shinobi announced a three-minute break, and part of the crowd dispersed to get food or take a trip to the bathroom.

Michi stood to stretch, and Tahno leaned backward, looking toward Ming. “So what do you guys have planned for tomorrow?”

Ming smiled. “Well, it’s the last day of the weekend. No definite plans. Wanna hang out with us in the early afternoon after we sleep in?”

“That’d be good,” Tahno replied, “I’d like to look around for a part-time job. And maybe pick up a hobby. Need something to take up my time.”

“Perfect. Shaozu and I were meaning to talk to you about that anyway. You still have a membership at the gym. We could do maybe a half-hour of non-bending workouts with you before our practices, on every other weekday. It’d be good for you to try to get back in shape.”

Tahno hesitated, unsure about attempting to be physically adept after two months of languor. But he would have Ming and Shaozu there for moral support. They wouldn’t blame him for his laziness. After all, they had gone without their bending for nearly a month before Korra came back. And he had missed the the feelings that had come with being active – the stretching of muscles, the relieving of stress, the freedom of all thoughts apart from staying light on his feet.

“Alright,” Tahno said finally, an easy smile smoothing into place, “but you have to go easy on me for the first week.”

“Not a problem, we don’t want to pull any muscles before practice anyway. But don’t you hold back, you hear? If you need us to be your punching bag, you let us know.”

“Hey, speak for yourself!” Miyu said jokingly from the other side of Zan. “I don’t need my boyfriend coming from practice all beat up and bruised.”

Shaozu laughed next to her. “Don’t worry babe, they wouldn’t dare if they didn’t want to face your fury.”

Miyu smiled grudgingly, settling back as Shaozu put an arm around her shoulders.

Ming looked back down toward Tahno. “In any case, practices are at the same time as before, which means we’ll meet up with you at the gym two hours before noon, the day after tomorrow. We can consider other hobbies after job hunting tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a plan, thanks.” Tahno said, smiling as he turned back around in his seat. The audience was settling back into their seats, and their was a crackling overhead as Shiro Shinobi began talking into the mic.

Shiro began talking about sponsors for the match, and advertising for their services, cracking a one-liner here and there. Then the refs took their places, and the teams made their way back onto the arena. A spotlight went on above the dapper round-announcer and he shouted “Round two!”

There was a whistle blow, and the teams lunged and dodged, throwing their respective elements back and forth. The Shirshu Pups would land swift strikes, but the Turtle Ducks were good at standing their ground.

But the Shirsu Pups appeared to use a different strategy this time around. Rather than forcing the Turtle Ducks toward the middle and crowding them for space, the Shirsu Pups were launching attack after attack, drilling through actions like a well-oiled machine. The Turtle Ducks could hardly dodge before another of them was shot at. It wasn’t long before the Turtle Ducks were forced back a zone, and then another. One of the Turtle Ducks had just faltered into zone three when the buzzer rang out.

Shiro Shinobi announced the last intermission and the crowd relaxed, some dispersing. Tahno turned toward Michi. “So what d’ya think so far?”

Michi smiled back at him. “Much better than listening to it on the radio, that’s for sure. What happens if the Turtle Ducks lose?”

Tahno shrugged. “It’s the off-season, so these are more for determing whether they’re ready to participate in the main league. Ultimately, a new team has to win three of their five off-season matches to be considered for their league. I wouldn’t doubt that both the Turtle Ducks and the Shirsu Pups could end up in the league; they both seem like pretty good teams.”

Michi gave a quick nod. “Yeah, but they could use some coaching. The Turtle Ducks seem to focus on defense, while the Shirsu Pups are quick on the offense.”

“Right. A team needs to know how to adapt, which neither team has displayed too well.” Tahno paused, changing subject. “So how’s mom?”

Michi gave a half-smile. “She was upset, but ultimately she was glad to hear how you’re doing. She’s getting on the next ferry, tomorrow night. So she should be here on the third morning. We could all go together for lunch or something before she and I look for available lodgings.”

Tahno nodded. “So what do you plan on doing for the next three days?”

Michi shrugged. “I’ll go with the flow. Like I always do.”

Tahno shook his head and laughed, glancing back toward the arena. The teams were huddled in on themselves, probably discussing their strategies. Michi turned around to talk to Ren and Aiko behind him, and Tahno turned toward Zan.

“So, other than troubles with Hasook, how are you?” Tahno asked gently.

Zan shrugged, her gaze as cold as ice, but she melted a little as she turned toward him. “I’m alright. Spent the day with Dad. He isn’t adapting very well to the winter, so we were inside mostly, playing table-top games by the fire. It was a good way to keep his mind off things. He almost seemed like his old self again.” Zan’s eyes had lit up, her frown unfurling on one side.

“Was your mother there?” Tahno asked, as Shiro Shinobi began to list off advertisers again.

Zan’s smile dropped, the light fading. She leaned closer so he could hear. “No. Dad said she hadn’t even come home until early this morning. And then was gone again before I got there. She doesn’t see how much he needs her, but he won’t complain either.”

There seemed to be more that Zan wanted to say, but the Round Announcer’s voice boomed over the microphone, and a whistle blew. Tahno and Zan pulled back and looked toward the game.

The Turtle-Ducks started strong, dodging and weaving between elements, but the Shirsu-Pups’ waterbender flung a burst of water forward, driving the Turtle-Ducks’ firebender back a zone. The Pups took advantage of the falter, and there was a steady drilling of attacks until all the Ducks were in zone three and back-to-back once again.

The Pups were running out of juice fast, but they had enough to force the Ducks’ earthbender to mistep, and fall back out of the ring. The Pups launched weak attacks at the feet of the two remaining benders, causing them to bump into each other as they dodged, and they fell, tangled by each others’ limbs, into the water below.

The crowd erupted with howls, and Shiro congratulated the Shirsu-Pups on winning the game. The Shirsu-Pups raised their hands in triumph, and Tahno could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, even as he clapped for the winners. It was a decisive game, with offense ultimately beating defense, by using their limited area against them.

Tahno stared at the ring, and his eyes blurred slightly. Suddenly he was in the ring again, Amon standing over him. He placed one hand just below Tahno’s neck, the other slowly descending above him. Tahno felt shame rise in his chest, if only he hadn’t fought, if only he had known to stop while he was ahead, if only he hadn’t been so arrogant–

A heavy hand landed on his shoulder, and Tahno was transported back out of his nightmare. His eyes connected with Zan’s, and he felt himself breathe again.

“Hey, are you alright?” she asked calmly, her face wrinkling with worry.

His skin was cold and clammy with sweat, but her hand felt so warm on his shoulder. He nodded slowly, letting his body release the tension with another breath. “I’m okay. Just–­ this is my first time in the arena since I lost my bending.”

Zan’s expression softened. “Oh, Tahno.” She pulled him into her, and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her embrace. For a moment the world was quiet, and Tahno breathed in her offered comfort. He was alive, he was okay, and he wasn’t giving up anymore. He wasn’t going to let his tragedy continue emptying him out anymore. It had been two months since Amon’s attacks. Enough was enough.

They pulled back, and time seemed to resume. The crowd was dispersing. Tahno could hear his brother animatedly talking with Ming about the match, and Miyu and Shaozu exchanging whispered words, Kaito and Riku shuffling betting money.

“Thanks,” Tahno whispered, wiping his eyes. Zan took his hand in hers and smiled softly.

“You’re welcome.” She grinned wider and stood as she let him go. “Keep fighting, tiger-shark. You’re stronger than you know.”

Tahno nodded, letting a smile ease into place, and watched as Zanami slip between Miyu and Shaozu and out of his sight.

Within a few minutes Tahno finalized plans with Ming and Shaozu, said goodbye, and was leaving the arena with Michi following close behind. Michi couldn’t stop talking during the cab ride, but Tahno didn’t mind too much. It was nice to lose himself to Michi’s excitement, and remember how much he had regained in the last few days. He may not have his bending, but he had his brother, his friends, his garden, and tomorrow he’d find a job and a hobby, and in three days his mom would be here too, even if only for a short time to find a prospective home. His life was changing, and for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is Chapter 3. Other than personal complications, this chapter (and ch 3b which I will post later in the month) took a long while because of both the pro-bending game, and the menial task of Tahno finding things to take up his time he would've otherwise spent pro-bending. Finally figured it out though. 
> 
> As I said, I will post Ch 3b later in the month. I am separating it b/c they deal with two different days, but keeping them under the same 'number' because they both deal with the third task from Kokoro.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. 3b: Adaptability

_3b: Adaptability_

Tahno awoke early the next morning groggy and tired, but his spirits lifted as he thought about the prospect of finding new ways to take up his time. He yawned slowly and let his mouth pull into an easy smile as he got out of bed and gathered things he needed for a morning shower. He whistled as he left his room, his apartment quiet. Michi must still be sleeping. Tahno closed the bathroom door and began his morning routine.

A little more than twenty minutes later he was stepping out of the bathroom. His hair damp and curling, and clean new clothes sitting comfortably on his frame. He went to the kitchen and began the process of making breakfast. He had four eggs, cheese, and some sausage in the fridge, so he decided to make omelettes for himself and Michi. Tahno turned on the stovetop, setting his kettle on one spot for tea-water, and another with a frying pan for the omlettes.

He resumed whistling as he moved, letting the actions carry away his thoughts and losing himself to the tune in his head. It was light and airy, the high pitch of whistling reflecting the sunshine drifting through the windows of the apartment. He felt as though he was back in the swamp, surrounded by the forest of one tree, connected to everything around him. The air and light filled his being, as if he were a plant turning toward the sun.

There was a cheerful laugh from behind him and Tahno turned. “Almost thought you turned the radio on to its highest volume.” Michi was grinning from ear-to-ear. “But now I see my brother has been replaced by a crazy jazz-whistler.” Michi mimicked looking around and gestured his hands toward Tahno, “Excuse me, who let this songbird into the kitchen?”

Tahno grinned jovially, but resumed his whistling, perhaps a little louder and more rambunctious. He twirled as he turned off the stove and danced around his brother, and Michi laughed again as Tahno stepped back around him. He didn’t stop the tune, not for a second, as he went back to put the omelettes on plates and carry them over to the short table. Michi shook his head and followed behind with the kettle and teacups. Michi sat and Tahno poured the tea and finished his song, taking a bow after he set the kettle on its stand.

Michi clapped and laughed again, and Tahno smiled brightly as he sat down next to his brother.They began to eat, occasionally humming and smiling at the other, expressing their delight at having a good breakfast together. Tahno felt a warmth spreading through his core. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long time, and he was keen to revel it. No matter what troubles he might find today, no matter what life threw at him tomorrow, he wasn’t gonna forget this happy morning, here, with his brother.

“So,” Michi began, turning toward Tahno, “Ren and Aiko will be here in a few minutes.”

“The Wolfbat fangirls?”

“Yeah.” Michi drew back his hair behind his ears. He had a black stud in each earlobe, and a cuff at the top of his left ear. “They noticed my piercings and thought I might enjoy going with them to a few body art shops. I won’t be getting any actual tattoos of course, but there’s make-up and nail art, plus smaller piercings and temporary tattoos. They said you used to join them on those sort of ventures.”

Tahno gave a faint smile. “Yeah, I did. Haven’t worn make-up or any body art since losing my bending though. Just didn’t feel in the right mood, I guess.”

Michi nodded. “Which they don’t blame you for. They said they knew you had plans with the Wolfbats today, but would be glad to have you join them again the next time.”

Tahno smiled. “That’s nice of them. Make sure you’re careful, and don’t get anything too garish, or Mom’ll have your head.”

Michi shoved his shoulder gently. “Wouldn’t dream of it!”

Tahno got up to take care of the dishes, just as there was a knock at the door. Michi jumped up to get it, and Tahno shook his head at his brother’s excitement.

“Hey girls!” Michi said jovially.

“Heya Michi!” they gretted him as they stepped into the apartment.

“Hi Ren, Hey Aiko,” Tahno said over his shoulder as he ran the faucet over the dirty dishes.

“Hey Tahno,” The fangirls and Michi came to stand at the edge of the kitchen. “How are you?” Ren asked.

“Doing good. Glad that you guys are spending the day out with my brother, since I’ll be busy.”

“It’s no problem,” Aiko said, grinning, “he’s like a little you! Only before we got you properly introduced to fashion.” The girls chuckled, a teasing glint in their eyes.

Tahno shook his head. “As I remember it, we met at one of those body art shops. You two and Miyu had seen the Wolfbats at our first match of the pre-tournament. I was just as experienced at body art as you all were.”

Ren shrugged. “We got better at it together. Although now your talents have surely waned with neglect.”

Tahno shrugged back, turning off the faucet and continually scrubbing the dishes. “Two months is hardly time enough to forget almost four years of practice. And besides, I’ll still be a master compared to Michi.”

“Hey!” Michi said petulantly, with an unwavering smile.

Tahno briefly stuck out his tongue at his brother.

“Alright, down boys.” Aiko said as they all laughed. “Michi, would you give us a moment with Tahno before we go? We won’t be long.”

Michi nodded. “Sure, I’ll just wait in front of the lift.” Michi left the apartment, and Ren and Aiko turned back toward Tahno.

Tahno raised his eyebrows at them as he began to dry off the dishes.

“We just wanted to apologize,” Ren said, stepping forward.

“For abandoning you and the Wolfbats after Amon’s attacks.” Aiko interjected.

“Despite how much we all hung out together,” Ren continued, “Aiko and I were still just fangirls to you, Ming, and Shaozu. We didn’t know if there was still a place for us in your lives. But after Miyu told us that Ming and Shaozu got their bending back, we hung out again. Ming and Shaozu understood and forgave us, but we still didn’t feel quite right.”

“Because we never got the chance to apologize to you.” Aiko finished. “We’re sorry we weren’t there for you after you lost your bending. Other than Ming and Shaozu, we were closest to you, and we should’ve made more of an effort to help you adjust to becoming a nonbender.”

Tahno smiled and turned fully toward them as he dried his hands. “You don’t need to apologize. I pushed everyone away, including Ming and Shaozu. I wallowed in my self-pity, and shut out anyone who could’ve helped me adapt to my new life. But in any case, we’re making changes now, together.”

Ren and Aiko smiled, and enveloped Tahno in a hug. He wrapped his arms around the two of them, feeling his memories of spending time with Ren and Aiko shine between them. They may not have been emotionally close then, but they would make an effort to be there for one another in the future, and the present.

They pulled back and said their goodbyes, promising to see each other soon. Ren and Aiko left the apartment and Tahno let out a sigh of relief.

Everything was going well. He was bonding with his brother, he was now friends with Ren and Aiko, he had reconnected with Ming and Shaozu, as well as Miyu, and Zanami and her Buzzard Wasps teammates.

And yet…

He still had more to do. He had to find ways in which to occupy his time he would’ve spent pro-bending. He had to fill that void in his chest that even now threatened to consume him whenever he was alone.

Tahno took a deep breath and composed himself. There was no need to panic, he would soon be out and about with Ming and Shaozu. Tahno went thru the door to his garden and began to water the plants. He went slowly, taking the time to trim here and there, and make sure all were cared for. The work was therapeutic and calming, and it gave him a chance to forget his torubles for a little while.

Fifteen minutes later he was done with the gardening and moved back into the kitchen. He watered the plants throughout the main room, then went to bathroom to wash up. He looked through his make-up kit in his drawer and decided to start small: mascara and short wing-tips of eyeliner at the edges of his eyes. His muscle memory kicked in fairly quickly, and he was happy with the subtle embellishments.

_Knock knock._

Tahno went to his apartment door and opened it, revealing Ming and Shaozu. They smiled brightly. “Ready to go?” Shaozu asked.

“Yep.” Tahno answered, closing his apartment door behind him. Together they filed into the lift.

“So where we headed first?” Ming asked, fidgeting with his keys.

“The Swamp Tribe Cultural and Community Center. I used to go there a lot during my first two years in Republic City. Thought maybe it was time I went back to my roots. Volunteering and hanging out there would be a good pastime every now and then.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Shaozu replied as the lift stopped and they exited the apartment building. They piled into Ming’s vehicle and off they went. Shaozu turned on the radio to a jazz station at low-volume. “So after the cultural center and job center, we’ll catch a late lunch at Narook's. Then, in the evening, we have a proposition for you.”

“A proposition?” Tahno asked.

“Yeah,” Shaozu answered, “another pastime activity. Something the three of us can do together that has nothing to do with bending. We thought it’d be a good way for all of us to get out of our element and on even footing, so to speak. A non-bending bonding experience.” Ming chuckled as Shaozu spoke, but stayed focused on the road ahead.

Tahno smiled in response as Shaozu turned in his seat towards him. “Sounds great. What’s the activity?”

“It’s a surprise,” Shaozu grinned and turned forward again. He hummed along to the radio, signaling that was all Tahno would get out of him. Tahno laughed and watched the scenery go by.

The Swamp Tribe Cultural Center was just past Republic City Park. Tahno could see it just slightly through the trees ahead and to the left of them as they drove. The building was a pale brown, built from clay brick. But the building itself was not a spectacle, it was what surrounded it that took Thano’s interests.

Between Republic City Park and the cultural center was a narrow road shaded by trees on both sides. Surrounding the cultural center were dwarf species of natural swamp flora. There was even a dwarf banyan-grove tree to looming over one side of the cultural center. Only the skyscrapers towered over the dwarf banyan-grove tree.

Ming parked in front of the cultural center and the three of them trekked through the grove and to the front steps. They passed several tourists and gardeners, smiling and waving at the newcomers. People from the Swamp Tribe had mixed ancestry from the Earth Kingdom and the Water Tribes, so traits from both backgrounds were displayed. But within United Republic of Nations, most people were of mixed backgrounds, so people from the swamp tribe looked as normal as anyone else. That’s what the United Republic was known for: a uniting of people of all kinds.

Together they stepped inside and were greeted by an elderly man standing next to a display of pamphlets all about swamp culture. His gaze met Tahno’s, and a smile lit up his face.

“Tahno! Long time no see, my boy,” the man said as they shook hands. Tahno smiled brightly in return.

“Good to see you, Bao. This is Ming and Shaozu, my former teammates.”

Bao shook each of their hands. “It’s great to finally meet you. I’ve listened to your pro-bending matches over the radio. I even went to the match where you first became champions! Too old for that now though, always so crowded. And so many stairs! Anyway, how you’ve been, Tahno?”

“Better than I was a week ago,” Tahno said sincerely, and Bao gave him sympathetic eyes.

“That’s good to hear, nonetheless.” Bao smiled again, turning slightly. “Here are a few pamphlets about our current exhibits and activities. A music demonstration just started in the assembly hall, if you’d like to start there.”

“That sounds great,” Ming said, clapping Tahno gently on the back, “Shaozu and I will go check that out while you catch up with Bao.” They collected a few pamphlets and went through the double-doors into the assembly hall.

“So what can I do for you, Tahno?” Bao asked.

“Actually, it’s what I can do for you. I’d like to volunteer here, at the cultural center. Anything available?”

“Oh, there’s always something to do,” Bao replied and pulled out a pocketbook. “Let’s see…gardeners, tour guides, class instructors with pottery, painting, and reed-weaving, indoor maintenance, etcetera. We usually try to have people from the Swamp focus on their talents, but also go where we need them when we’re short on people. We’ll start you off in gardening and reed-weaving, each once a week, that sound good?”

Tahno nodded, “Yes that sounds perfect, but, uh…” Tahno paused, unsure how to word his worries.

Bao’s eyes crinkled with understanding. “Not all our volunteers are waterbenders either, Tahno. We will value what you can offer within your own limitations. We don’t expect anything more.”

Tahno smiled solemnly, his throat tightening slightly. “Thank you, Bao.”

“Of course. I was listening over the radio when you lost your bending. I may not have approved of your cheating, but my heart broke for you all the same. You did not deserve what happened to you.”

Tahno’s heart swelled in his throat, and Bao pulled him down into a hug. Tahno accepted it, closing his eyes briefly and he felt a tear slide down his cheek. Then Bao stepped back, and they smiled at each other solemnly.

Bao glanced back down at his pocketbook, “Well, I’ll call you sometime with your full schedule, but for now we’ll plan for sometime this week, sound good?” Tahno nodded, and Bao dismissed him with a wave of his hand. “Now go enjoy your time with your friends.”

Tahno smiled and walked past him into the assembly hall. He found Ming and Shaozu and sat next to them to listen to the cultural music.

“You all set?” Ming whispered.

“Yep.”

“Alright. We’ll finish listening to this song and then we’ll go find you a job, sound good?”

Tahno nodded his agreement and turned back toward the music. There were two people playing string instruments, another two playing drums, and one on a flute. It was wistful and gentle, the notes drifting slowly throughout the hall. Tahno closed his eyes and imagined himself back in the swamp. The culture had advanced a little in the seventy years since the Hundred-Year War, but not nearly as much as the United Republic. They lived simply, in harmony with the forest surrounding them. They dressed in thin fabrics made from cotton and silk, with leaves and reeds used to adorn their body. They made baskets and pottery to use for gathering food and serving meals, they painted art on canvases to display various themes, and they played music to entertain each other.

The swamp would always be a part of Tahno, no matter that he had made his home away from it. It was his heritage and his culture, and nothing could take that away from him. Not even losing his bending.

A minute later, the song ended, and they got up to leave the cultural center. Tahno waved goodbye to Bao, and they took a walk through the grove. Tahno pointed out the different flora that he recognized from the swamp.

“You sure know a lot about plants. Is that what you wanna get a job with?” Shaozu asked.

Tahno nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great. I’m hoping for the Republic City Park Conservancy, or the Republic City Arboretum, but they probably woudn’t hire me right away. So I may work at the gardening center for the time being, if they have positions available.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Ming answered as they got in his vehicle.

A few hours later they had visited each of the places Tahno had mentioned. Tahno had applied at the Conservancy and the Arboretum, and then inquired at the gardening center. They were currently short on staff, so they offered Tahno a part-time shift in the morning until noon, three days a week. Tahno set the schedule for the days when he wouldn’t be at the gym with Ming and Shaozu, and then signed the contract.

Then Ming drove them to Narook’s and they sat at their usual booth.

Ming yawned. “Ah, a productive day. If I wasn’t so hungry I’d probably take a nap.” Shaozu laughed and shoved him playfully.

“We’ve still got another activity after this, _Captain_ ,” Shaozu chided.

“And you still haven’t told me what it is,” Tahno interjected.

“Nope!” Shaozu and Ming laughed and Tahno shook his head.

The waitress came round with tea and they ordered their usuals. For half an hour they joked and laughed as they ate, almost like the old days. It was leisurely and comfortable, just as Tahno had always remembered it.

They left the restaurant and piled into Ming’s car just as snow started to drift down from the clouds above. Tahno watched the snow thru the window, his heart feeling both light and heavy, all at once.

Ming drove a few streets down, then parked at a instrument shop, with musical note decals framing the windows. Tahno gave a low chuckle. “We’re making a band?”

Ming smiled in the rearview mirror as he got out. Shaozu turned in his seat. “You’re joining one actually. And you two have to learn how to play an instrument first.”

They slid out of the car, their hair immediately filled with snowflakes. “Wait, can you play an instrument, Shaozu?” Tahno asked.

“Yeah, I learned trumpet in during school. Started when I was ten.” Shaozu smiled, pride in his eyes, “I try to practice somewhat regularly. This is where I go when I need supplies. One of the instructors and I made the band a couple months ago.”

“You ever play an instrument?” Ming asked as they came together at the door.

“Not exactly,” Tahno answered sheepishly, “my mom taught my brother to play leaf whistles and bamboo reed flutes when we were young, and I can whistle too, but not with any knowledge of what notes I’m playing.”

Ming smiled. “Better than the nuthin’ I’ve got. And you two both know how tone-deaf I am.”

Shaozu put his hand to his forehead. “Don’t remind me.”

They laughed as they walked inside, immediately surrounded by musical instruments of every kind, the smell of wood and oils, and the sounds of a record player. Tahno smiled as he looked at the shine of the brass and woodwind instrements hanging on the walls, wondering what would suit him best.

“Hello!” a short, older woman walked toward them from behind a shelf of smaller percussion instruments. Tahno recognized her as the former council page who become somewhat well-known when Avatar Korra had been kidnapped by former councilman Tarrlok.

“Evening, Takumi,” Shaozu greeted her, “got two eager learners for you.”

She clapped her hands together. “Oh, excellent! You know when we started this I never thought we’d get off the ground, but with three new band members in one night, I feel its almost too good to be true!”

“Three?” Shaozu asked.

Slowly, a male customer with long, shaggy black hair appeared from behind the shelf. “Oh, hey guys,” He said lazily, trying to smile, but his eyes were full of anxiety.

“Hasook?” Ming asked.

“Oh, good, you all know each other. I’ll let you catch up, and I’ll go get some tea.” Takumi smiled and left them by way of a curtain behind the shelves.

Tahno watched Shaozu place one of his hands on Ming’s shoulder, giving him a warning look. Then Shaozu turned toward Hasook. “Wasn’t sure you ever come around, Hasook.”

“Wait, you invited him?” Ming asked.

Shaozu sighed. “Yeah, about a month ago, actually. Hasook can play the clarinet. Would’ve finally been a third member to Takumi and I. He turned me down.”

Hasook rubbed his neck absently, looking away from the three of them. “Yeah, well, I’ve been nervous to play in front of others since our last year of school.”

“The year you quit band lessons.”

Hasook nodded. “I have a whole story to tell about it, as well as an apology to make, but can we sit down? Kinda feels like we’re in standoff like this.”

“Sure,” Tahno said, and Hasook led them past the wall of guitars and other string instrumnets, to a group of plush chairs, next to curtain where Takumi had disappeared. They sat silently and gave Hasook their attention.

Hasook took a deep breath and leaned his elbows on his knees, running his hands thru his hair. “Look, I’m sorry that I haven’t been showing up at practice during the last week.”

Ming grunted, but Shaozu gave him a glare.

Hasook sighed. “During out last year of school, my family started training me for pro-bending. My parents both come from big bending families, and I’m their only child. And I started bending when I was really young, you know? They thought I had a whole future in pro-bending. So they had me quit any other extra-curriculars I was taking.

“But I never actually enjoyed pro-bending. I stuck to it though, for them. But this year, I really fell into a funk, and it started to show in everything, including pro-bending. When the Fire-Ferrets replaced me with the Avatar, I wasn’t ever going to go back to pro-bending. But my parents were so upset with me, so I joined your team when you two got your bending back.

“They were proud, and I tried to live up to their expectations, but I wasn’t happy. I started to get worse and worse, and then I started dating Zan. She was everything I was trying to be, so I thought being with her might make me like pro-bending more. But I still couldn’t stop myself from being aloof and distracted, showing up late to everything. I wasn’t a good boyfriend, or a good teammate.

“Last week, the night after the festival, when I showed up late at Tahno’s apartment building for my date with Zanami, drenched head to toe from the rain, everything began to fall apart. I spent the whole date silent and broody, nearly ignoring Zan. We got into an argument over pro-bending, and I ended up shouting that I didn’t care about pro-bending. Then I walked out and went home.

“I spent the whole day yesterday walking around town, trying to decide what to do. Somehow, I ended up at the Republic City Community College. I took a tour of the campus, and at one point one of the advisors pulled me aside. He asked me what had brought me to campus, and I ended up telling him everything, practically my whole life story. He said it sounded like I had given up all the things that made me happy during my last year of school, in order to train at something I was good at, but didn’t care about at all. I had become so entrenched in it, that I became miserable at it. He understood what I went through, and he gave me pamphlets and an application form to take home.

“I argued with my parents about it during the afternoon, and we were finally coming to an understanding when Zan called to say she was on her way. I told her I wan’t coming, and that she could chew me out later. We listened to the game on the radio as we talked it over. By the end of the game, we all were on better terms, and I figured out that I was going to apply to the community college. If I do go, I’m going to move into the dorms, and spend my freetime figuring out who I want to be. Maybe one day I’ll enjoy pro-bending again, but never professionally. It’s just not for me.

“So, I’m going to explore hobbies again, both old and new. And that starts here.” Hasook finished, looking up from his hands. There were tears in his eyes, but Tahno could see how much this all meant to him.

Tahno looked to Ming, and saw that the anger had left his expression. He smiled at Hasook solemnly. “Well,” Ming began, “that’s really brave of you, Hasook. I’m happy for you.”

Hasook smiled. “And I am sorry that it happened this way. I really didn’t mean to skip out on you.”

Ming shook his head. “We can understand.” He looked toward Tahno, giving a playful smile, “You aren’t the first to shut us out.”

“Hey!” Tahno said, a little hurt by Ming’s teasing jab.

Shaozu put a hand on Tahno’s sholder, placating him, “What Ming’s trying to say is that we don’t blame you, or Tahno, for needing your space. But we’re glad that you’ve both acknowledged your troubles and are addressing them.”

Tahno and Hasook looked toward each other, and Tahno smiled sincerely. “Yeah, college sounds like a good fit for you. I hope you’ll find what you really want there.”

“Thanks,” Hasook said just as Takumi reappeared with tea. She set it down on the table and poured out drinks for everyone.

Then she went around the shop to grab instruments for them to try. Shaozu went to grab his trumpet from the car, and Ming followed Takumi to carry some of the instruments.

Tahno turned toward Hasook as he got his clarinet out of its case. “So what about you and Zan?” Tahno asked.

Hasook looked to him, his eyes calm. “We talked on the phone for a long time. I apologized to her and explained everything, and I broke it off. She deserves better than how I was treating her. She was upset, but she also said she had been getting pretty frustrated with me, and really tired of my inattention. It was better that it happened this way, rather than she gradually getting more and more frustrated with me, as I would’ve gotten more and more consumed with my own problems.”

Tahno nodded, hoping that Zan was doing alright. He’d make a point to contact her tomorrow, to make sure she was doing okay.

Then Shaozu, Ming, and Takumi were back. Ming set a tuba on an empty chair, and Takumi carried a few cases over to Tahno.

“Ming told me you’ve played leaf whistles and bamboo flutes, so I picked a few woodwind instruments for you to try, but also a brass instument that I think might suit you as well.”

“I hope that wouldn’t be the tuba,” Tahno said jokingly.

“Nope!” Takumi said happily, “That one’s mine. Before, I would play the clarinet to pair with Shaozu’s trumpet, but with Hasook on clarinet, and you and Ming learning the basics, I can play my favorite instrument. I’m so excited!” She turned toward Ming. “Now you said you had no experience with instruments, so I thought I’d start you off with percussion.” She led Ming over to the drumset next to Hasook’s seat, and Shaozu sat next to Tahno.

“So what have you got?” Shaozu asked as he took out his trumpet.

Tahno looked to the three cases on the floor in front of him. Two were stacked on each other, and the third was taller, standing on one round end. It was almost as tall as the armrest of the couch. Tahno opened the smallest case.

“It’s a flute,” Tahno told Shaozu. It was made from wood and separated into three pieces. Tahno gave the case to Shaozu and lifted the next largest case. It was a gleaming golden instrument that he had seen at various jazz concerts.

“It’s a saxophone,” Shaozu said as he put the flute pieces togeher.

Tahno looked at the golden color. “So this is the brass instrument?”

Shaozu shook his head. “Actually no, it’s a woodwind.” he reached in and took the saxophone’s mouthpiece from inside the case. “See this part? You put a reed there, just like with a clarinet. Woodwinds come in two kinds: flutes and reed instuments. So despite that it’s brass, it’s a woodwind instrument.”

“Oh.” Tahno said, then looked at the bigger case. “So that would be the brass instrument, in there?”

“Yup.” Shaozu put the flute next to his trumpet on the table and took the saxophone case from Tahno. Then Tahno took the large case and turned it on its side in his lap. He opened it to find a long horn in three pieces: two large, and one mouthpiece.

Shaozu turned back toward Tahno, the saxophone put together, leaning against the table. He looked to the instrument in the case. “Ah, a trombone. A very dynamic instrument; fitting, for you.”

Tahno thought back to pro-bending days, when he had been very showy and over-dramatic. But Tahno didn’t act much like that nowadays, given his lack of self-confidence. Maybe this was one way of regaining some of it.

“So, what would you like to try first?” Takumi asked as she came to stand over Tahno and Shaozu.

Tahno shrugged. “The flute?”

Hasook looked up from his clarinet and chimed in. “Good idea. While you do that, I’ll soak a few reeds. One for my clarinet, the other for you to try with the saxophone.” Hasook got up, a couple of reeds in hand. He disappeared behind the back curtain.

Shaozu closed up the trombone case and put it aside for the time being. Then he handed Tahno the flute and picked up his trumpet. He started playing a tune as he walked over to Ming, who was testing out different beats on the drums.

Takumi took Shaozu’s seat and showed Tahno how hold the flute. “Here, just like that. We’ll focus on notes and tunes next time. Just focus on attempting to play.”

And so Tahno did. He blew softly through the flute and changed the pitch of the sound by moving his fingers over the holes. It worked just like he remembered it.

Over the next hour Takumi, Hasook, and Shaozu showed Tahno and Ming how they played their instruments, and taught Tahno how to play the instruments in front of him. Hasook’s clarinet playing transferred closely to the saxophone, so he showed Tahno how to play it. It was difficult, but it sounded just as it did over the radio, albeit without tune or rhythm. Then Takumi and Shaozu played the trumpet and tuba for him, and displayed how similar they were to the trombone. But also how they were different. The trumpet and tuba had different knobs to change the tune, while the trombone had the long, movable arm. It was strange, but also really fun for Tahno to try out.

At the end of the practice, Ming and Shaozu gave Tahno a ride to his apartment and agreed to see each other at the gym the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after getting over the hump that was the pro-bending match, and Tahno getting a part-time job, I finally go to the fun part: connecting this series with something we see in canon, i.e. the music lesson. At the end of season 4, we see the wolfbats, Hasook, the former council page, and the two of Mako's fellow detectives in a band at Varrick and Zhu Li's wedding. I thought having Tahno, the wolfbats, the former council page, and Hasook start that band was a really nice way to spend time together.
> 
> When I originally started this fic, I nearly wrote both Hasook and the fangirls as one-dimensional characters. But I realized that wasn't right for me to do. So in 3b, I took the chance to explore them and give them more to say. With Hasook especially, as what I've written for him is something I identify with. When I tried to go to college almost four years ago, I was holding myself to everyone else's expectations of me, rather than what I wanted.
> 
> One further note, you may be wondering why Ming and Shaozu have a vehicle (as do Kaito and Riku), but Tahno does not. My explanation is that Ming and Shaozu are roommates, and have a cheaper apartment, therefore they could afford a vehicle (same goes for Riku and Kaito). But Tahno has a much more expensive apartment, with it being top floor, having a garden, and a spare room for Michi.
> 
> I meant to post this chapter sooner, but first I wanted to finish Ch 4 so that I was a bit ahead of the posts. Ch 4 ended up giving me more trouble than I expected, but I'm going to try to be more understanding with my own expectations, as I have to keep remembering that I want to do this and I enjoy experiencing Tahno's story.


	5. 4: Solidarity

_4: Solidarity_

_Rumblerumble_

Tahno looked up into the dark and suddenly he was drenched as the clouds poured down rain. It pelted at him heavily, weighing him down. He lifted his arms to shield his head, but the rain was so heavy, so forceful, it drove him to his knees. He bent over, his arm held tightly over his head, as he endured the barrage.

A bright light shined across the pavement, but only for a second.

_Rumblerumble_

Thunder right over his head. The rain fell down impossibly harder on his back. Tahno was breathing hard and ragged, and every muscle in his body strained against the weight. He looked left and right, but he couldn’t see anything in the blackness.

Lightning shone again, and Tahno saw nothing but the pavement below him.

The darkness was back, and again came the thunder, rolling above him.

Tahno felt hollowed out and empty. He wondered if the rain could fill him up like a bowl, if it was given the chance. But despite the weight pouring down on him, Tahno still felt the void, eating him up from the inside.

The rain fell slower, and the weight became bearable, but the empitness was not. Tahno’s muscles collapsed, and he fell onto his side. The rain was just a splattering around him, but still he gasped and choked, his lungs empty of anything.

He looked up when the lightning shone for the last time, and there was still nothing about him but the rain.

\--

Tahno was gasping when he woke. He was in his bedroom, and it had only been a dream, but he felt that shadow of emptiness looming in his chest. There was soft gray light coming through his curtains, but not as much as he’d expect for the morning. He could hear the pelting of rain on his roof, and he guessed that it had spawned his fitful dreaming.

It was the first real nightmare since the festival, that he remembered anyway. Tahno groaned softly and fell back against his pillows. Thunder echoed him, and he curled up into his blankets. He clenched his eyes shut, but he couldn’t shut out what was inside him. Or more of, what wasn’t there.

Tahno had faced his fear, his guilt, and his shame, but the loss of his bending still festered inside. Despite the moments of happiness and calm, where he almost felt okay again, there was still that void that ached and throbbed in his core. At moments like this, when no one was around, and he had nothing to do, when he should be asleep, it was impossible to think of anything but the hole in his spirit.

He opened his eyes again, looking to the clock on the bedside table. It was morning, and Tahno felt like sleeping more, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to. He blinked a few times and yawned deeply as he sat up. He stretched his arms and legs out far, then pulled himself to stand. He walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains. The sky was overcast and gray, and the rain fell diagonally against the glass. The sounds of the city were drowned out by the rain, but he could see it all there, surrounding him.

_Knock knock._

“Tahno?” Michi’s voiced came through the door, “Aren’t you going to the gym with Ming and Shaozu soon?”

_Oh, right._ Tahno had forgotten about agreeing to go to the gym. His teammates would be here to pick him up in little over half an hour.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” Tahno shouted back and turned to his armoire. He opened up one of the middle shelves and pulled out gym clothes that hadn’t been worn in two months. He grudgingly pulled them on, then packed a bag with a fresh set of clothes. Then he headed straight out of his bedroom to the bathroom, to freshen up and brush his hair. It was tangled and scraggly from the fitful sleep, but soon he had it falling on one side of his face as uaual.

He left the bathroom, carrying his gym bag on one shoulder. Michi was on the couch, the radio turned on and playing a song Tahno recognized as a rock song, or at least he assumed. Tahno set down his bag and went to the kitchen.

“Did you eat yet, Michi?” Tahno asked as he grabbed a pan and turned on the stove.

“Yeah. Met Ren and Aiko at a breakfast place. Then they dropped me off here to make sure you were awake.”

“Ah.” Tahno grabbed few sausage patties from the fridge and plopped them on the sizzling pan.

Over the next few minutes Tahno made a simple breakfast of sausage patties, a flaky biscuit, and some cheese. He stacked them like a sandwich. He’d be thankful for the protein when working out with Ming and Shaozu. Tahno took a bite as he stared out the window over his kitchen counter. The rain was still coming down, but it was a bit lighter than before.

_Ring-ring!_

Tahno leaned over and brought the phone to his ear. “Hello? Tahno speaking.” he said.

“Hi, this is Kokoro.” Her voice was calm and steady, but there were echoes of other peope talking in the background.

“How are you? Still busy?” Tahno asked and took another bite.

“Not too busy. I actually wanted to ask you’d come to my studio in the afternoon, if you’ve completed my latest task.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Tahno thought of his shame from cheating at pro-bending, and the void pro-bending had left behind. Then of the hobbies he had picked up, and the part-time jobs he had applied for.

“Does just after noon work for you?”

Tahno expressed agreement, and Kokoro gave him directions to her studio. Tahno recognized it as being not far from the gym, and there’d surely be a vendor between the two so that he could have a light lunch. They exchanged farewells, and Tahno set down the phone on the receiver. Tahno took another bite and went to stand by the couch. Michi still sat where he had been, bobbing his head along to the music.

“So how did your makover with Ren and Aiko go yesterday?”

“It was great!” Michi replied, smiling. He brandished his fingernails at Tahno. They were painted a dark gray-blue color. “The color is called _Independence_ , I think. Ren really liked it.” Then Michi pointed to his eyes, where he had subtle gray eyeshadow and black eyeliner on. “And the stylist there showed me how to do makeup like you used to. I was pretty much able to do it this morning, but Ren and Aiko did touch it up a little before we went out.”

Tahno chuckled. “Just like I used to?” he asked.

“Yeah, you had a good look going for you. I may change it up a bit to make my own style, but it is a good look, nonetheless.”

Tahno’s heart warmed in pride. It astonished him that his brother had wanted to imitate him, in some small way, despite that Tahno hadn’t kept to the habit in the last two months.

“So did you end up getting any temporary tattoos?” Tahno asked.

Michi laughed jovially. “Yeah, actually.” He pulled up the sleeve of his arm. His inner wrist had a tattoo outline of a banyan-grove tree, inside a circle. “Don’t know if I’ll ever get one like this, but I do like how it reminds me of my heritage.”

“Nice. You know, I used to dye my hair with henna, which is also used in temporary tattoos.”

“Yeah, the stylist showed me that. She actually realized I was your brother after we were all done, even without the hair dye. She asked about you, but Ren and Aiko handled it.”

Tahno narrowed his eyes. “What did Ren and Aiko say?”

“Just that you were re-defining your identity, and you didn’t yet know whether you wanted body art to be a part of that.”

Tahno nodded thoughtfully. “That’s basically true.”

_Knock knock._

Tahno went and opened the door. There stood Ming and Shaozu, dressed in gym clothes. “Good morning,” They greeted him.

“Hello,” Tahno replied, then went to grab his gym bag. “Do you have plans, Michi?”

“Oh, yes,” Michi said, grinning, as he put his feet on the ottoman and his hands behind his head. “I plan on falling asleep to the radio until noon.”

Tahno laughed. “You do that. Then, could you check on the garden? Make sure the rain didn’t make a mess of the plants.”

“No problem. Catch you later!”

And with that, Tahno and his former teammates left the apartment. The rain had stopped, for the time being. They drove through town, talking over a few things as they went. They were glad to have Tahno back with them for working out, despite that he couldn’t be part of the pro-bending team anymore. Tahno was glad for that.

They arrived at the gym and filed out of the car. During the off-season, the professional teams, like the Wolfbats, (who were a bit well off because of their success over the past four years) would like to hold practices at one of the local gyms rather than the arena. Gave the rookie teams more timeslots to practice anyway.

Inside, the gym opened up to a large room of sparring mats, punching bags, and exercise equipment at the far end. To their left was the check-in counter, doors to the locker rooms, and large screen particion that led to the bending area on the other side. People of various ethnicities worked out on the machines, or lifted weights, or sparred on the mats. Through the partician, Tahno could see the silhouettes of benders working out as well.

After checking in, they headed over to the sparring mats and punching bags. They wrapped athletic wrap over their hands and wrists and began to stretch. Tahno still felt a bit of sluggishness from the rough night, and the streatching helped him to loosen up and relax.

Shaozu and Tahno faced off first, and Ming refereed. The sparring was more about dodging and lunging, rather than actually trying to harm your opponent. Tahno was out of practice, but after a little while the muscle memory started to kick in. The feeling of the muscles pulling nd relaxing as he evaded Shaozu’s movements released the tension that had built up from the rough night and the stress of yesterday.

They both landed a few punches heare and there, but they didn’t put much force behind them since they knew the other person was supposed to dodge. Despite the slight twinges from the punches and the stretching of muscles, Tahno felt himself ease into the rhythm. He had missed this. Exercise was easy to avoid, but once he got into a session of it, his body began to react, making him feel better. His body was lean and capable, and his mind felt energized by it.

After Shaozu and Tahno were done, the three of them took a break on the benches.

“So,” Ming said, looking over to Tahno, “We’re going to have tryouts for a new member. We were hoping you’d come and help us pick.”

Tahno looked down, slightly uncomfortable. “I don’t know. I’m not-”

Ming placed a hand on his shoulder and Tahno looked up at him. “You may not be a bender, but you know us, and you know probending. You have insight that we could miss.”

“And,” Shaozu added, “you’re our friend. If nothing else, you can be there for moral support.”

Tahno smiled, his heart lifting. “Yeah, it’d be great to be there for that. I’ll help anyway I can.”

“And same to you,” Ming said, grinning. “Like, giving you a way to release your frustrations.”

They laughed and then got back into working out. Ming grapped a couple of rectangular-shaped mitts and pulled them on. Tahno jumped up and down, getting a spring into his stance. Then Ming braced his stance, ready to take Tahno’s punches. They started off, Tahno throwing punches and Ming taking them with his mitts. Tahno felt himself kick up a sweat, and he put a little more force into his punches. Ming grinned and took all that Tahno gave out, obviously glad that Tahno was letting himslef go at it little.

A few minutes later they stopped again and took another rest. It was about the time of the Wolfbats’ practice. They headed through the partician and walked past other benders to find a place for themselves. They chose an area that had nets srung up, and earth-bending disks set beside them. Tahno sat on a bench and watched them prepare. Ming was checking over the disks and the nets, and Shaozu was ensuring that nothing would be in range of his fire-bending. Then they began their practices.

Ming and Shaozu stayed light on their feet, and went through various lunges and movements, bending as they went. First would be the light from Shaozu’s fire, then the sound of Ming’s disks flying through the air and hitting the net. Like thunder following the lightning. It reminded Tahno of his nightmare the night before, and just like that, the gap in his spirit opened up again. He looked around the room, watching as all the other benders around him were doing something he couldn’t.

He looked down at his hands and realized he was trembling. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. _You’re okay_ , he thought. Although it didn’t do much to convince him.

“Tahno?” Shaozu asked.

Tahno looked up. Ming and Shaozu had stopped bending and were looking toward him. Despite that they were only two feet away, Tahno felt like a chasm separated him from them. They had their bending, he did not.

Despite this, Ming and Shaozu came over. Shaozu sat next to him, and Ming put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you don’t have to watch us like this if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”

Tahno took another deep breath and glanced at each of them. “It’s just startling, I guess. It’s been two months, and yet when I see what I don’t have anymore, it feels like its only been a moment. Like time hasn’t passed at all.”

They each nodded. “We understand, Tahno,” Shaozu said, his voice soft and sincere.

Tahno sighed, finally feeling calmer. “But I want to be comfortable with it. I want to be here with you guys, and I want to be able to watch your pro-bending matches.”

“And we want that too,” Ming answered, “but it’s a process. You took a big a step just being here in the first place.”

Shaozu voiced his agreement. “We’re not going to have the tryouts for another week, and we won’t have matches for a few months. You don’t have to be here when you start feeling uncomfortable. We respect your wellbeing.”

Tahno nodded, and glanced at each of them again. “Thanks, guys. That means a lot.” They leaned into each other, and Tahno felt better than he had all morning.

They separated, and Tahno stood. “I’ll go wash up and head for lunch. You guys pick me up at the same time, a day from now, yeah?”

“Yup, we’ll see you then.” Ming said, grinning.

“Great.” The three of them exchanged farewells, and Tahno left through the partition with his gym bag. He headed to the men’s locker room and proceeded to wash up and change.

He then left the gym and started to walk. Kokoro’s studio was just a block and a half away, so he walked to a nearby street merchant, bought some street food, then headed on his way.

The sidewalk wasn’t too busy, most people heading to one place or another. Tahno dodged them easily, and kept a leisurely pace. He kept his thoughts blank as he walked, just watching people and buildings pass as he walked and ate. The sky was overcast, but light shown through the clouds. He still had fifteen minutes before he was supposed to be at Kokoro’s, but he thought he’d probably find a way to waste time near there.

He turned the corner and started looking for Kokoro’s studio. He found it on the end, with a fenced garden on one side. The garden made it look out of place among the other buildings, but knowing that it was some kind of studio, made the garden seem appropriate. He walked past the entrance and to the signpost. It read:

_Kokoro’s Chi-Mending Studio and Spa_

The signpost seemed somewhat newer than the the building itself, and Tahno suspected that there must have been a change in management in the past. But that wasn’t any kind of surprise, although he wondered what the previous sign might’ve said.

He walked up the steps and through the door. There was a desk and chair to the left, but no one was sitting there. The entrance then opened up to a receiving room, with a low dining table with benches on the left, doors straight in front of him, and stairs that went up on the right. Tahno shrugged and sat at the table to finish his meal.

The studio was quiet, so Tahno figured Kokoro must not have a lot of business. Although she had said she was busy during the last few days, so maybe she got most of her business on the weekends. Or maybe it was just the time of day.

However, there had been no one at the entry desk. Tahno briefly wondered if the place was supposed to be closed and someone had forgotten to turn off the lights and lock the door. Then he heard footsteps upstairs and guessed that Kokoro was preparing things before waiting for him.

He finished eating and threw away his garbage in a bin by the table. He left his gym bag in front of a dresser by the stairs, and decided to find his way to the garden. The double doors across from the entrance opened up to a dark room, but with light from the windows, he could see workout mats in front of him, and wash-rooms to the left. To the right were doors that led to the garden. Tahno went out those and looked around.

A garden path ran the length of this side of the building, then wrapped around to the back. Toward the right were a bundle of bamboo trees, a fountain with separate pools that flowed from one to another, and a stone bench. Tahno walked over to the bench and saw an inscription, dedicating the bench to someone who passed:

_To Asahi_

_a dear friend, never forgotten_

Tahno bowed his head solemnly, then turned and walked down the path around the back of the building. Along the path were short lights that looked like lanterns, and flower bushes, although most of the blooms had shed for the winter. At the end of the path was a a water trough with a standing waterfall, and bushes surrounding it. Tahno stood still in front of the waterfall and closed his eyes. He listened to the sound of the water falling, effectively drowning out the sounds of Republic City. The sound calmed him. Despite all that he had lost, the water was still a part of him, and always would be.

A few moments passed, and Tahno heard footsteps behind him. He turned to find Kokoro, smiling. “Hello, Tahno. Good to see you.”

He nodded. “Your studio is beautiful.”

“Thank you. I’ve been away from it a lot lately, but I spent much of the weekend fixing it up. Had a few neighboring business acquaintences here this morning to celebrate its return.”

“Ah. Did you close early then? I saw no one else inside.”

“It will be on a limited schedule for a while. Everyone has to adjust schedules and all that. We’ll have an official reopening and return to regular hour sometime next week. But anway, we’re not here for me to ramble on about business.” Kokoro smiled and lead Tahno back inside and to the receiving room. There, she had two cups of yellow juice on a tray on the dining table. “First, we’ll have this and talk over the former tasks that you have completed. Then we’ll head upstairs to the meditation room.”

Tahno sat at the table and scrutinized the juice. It smelled mostly of bananas, but there were other smells as well. Kokoro sat on another of the benches and took a sip of the juice. Her face puckered slightly, then she looked toward Tahno.

“It’s a mixture of fruits and veggies. The base is banana, and the rest is lemon, green onion, apricots, pickles, and water. It’s not a great taste, but it helps with what we’re doing here today. You don’t have to drink all of it, just a few sips while we talk.”

Tahno grunted, then took a sip of the juice. He could taste most of what she had mentioned, and it didn’t quite sit well together. Perhaps some vanilla or olive oil would help round it out. Or it might further overwhelm it. Tahno wasn’t an expert in food.

Kokoro drew her hands together and began. “So, the first of the tasks was to face your fears.”

Tahno nodded. “Yes, I was afraid of living my life without bending, and accepting that I wasn’t going to get it back from Avatar Korra. Zanami and my brother, and some of my other friends, helped me to be at peace with that.”

“And the second?”

“Was to face all that I blamed myself for. I had shut myself off from the things that were most important to me, like my garden, and my family and friends. When I welcomed that back into my life, I no longer felt that I was at fault for my current state of mind.”

Kokoro nodded. “And then the third task. To face any shame or disappoinment within yourself or your past.”

Tahno nodded. “During the pro-bending championship, the other Wolfbats and I took a bribe from an equalist, to cheat against the Fire-Ferrets. I was ashamed that we had cheated and by talking it over with my brother, I made peace with it. Furthermore, I was ashamed that my life now lacked any activities or hobbies, since I am no longer a pro-bender. So, I signed up to volunteer at the Swamp Tribe Cultural Center, applied for a few part-time gardening-type jobs, I joined the Wolfbats in a band, and we’re going to have non-bending workouts as well. It all offers me ways to spend my time outside home.”

Kokoro smiled at him. “That sounds good. Just remember to not over-extend yourself. It’s all about balance and stability.”

Tahno nodded. “A lot of it is pretty flexible. Ming and Shaozu, the Wolfbats, are pretty understanding when it comes to my wellbeing, as they went through losing their bending as well. And I tink the accountability from the cultural center and the part-time job will be good for me.”

“Sounds like you’ve got that all settled then. Time for the fourth task.” Tahno and Kokoro each took another sip of their drinks, then Kokoro put the half-empty glasses back on the tray. “I’ll carry them up, if you’ll follow.” Kokoro carried the tray and lead Tahno up the stairs. At the top was a small foyer and hallway, with a bench, bookcases, and a cold storage cabinet. Kokoro placed the drinks in the cabinet to clean up later, then had Tahno follow her down the hallway and to the right, past the stairs.

Inside the door was a small meditation room, with stools and mats, scented candles, and a record player in one corner. Tahno sat cross-legged on one of the low stools, and Kokoro went to start the record player. The candles smelled of bamboo, sage, and jasmine. Bordered windows stretched along the outside walls, showing the overcast sky. It was raining again, but much more softly than it had this morning. It was a soothing sound, compared to the battering of his nightmare.

Tahno looked toward Kokoro as he began to hear gentle chimes and bells filter through the record player. “There we go.” She said softly, and joined him on the second stool, on his left side.

“Now then, we’ll start off with the basics, just close your eyes, breathe in and out, and exist simply within your other senses.”

Tahno watched Kokoro close her eyes and curl her fingers on each hand, only the index and thumb touching each other. Tahno followed her example and did the same. He took deep breaths, absorbing the sound from the record player and the rain, the scents from the candles, the feeling of the stool underneath him, and the lingering taste from the juice on his tongue.

Kokoro spoke softly, guiding the meditation. “The fourth task concerns grief and mourning. With my guidance, I want you to face all that you lost two months ago. Let the pain and hurt wash over you, and then _let it go._ Accept what happened to you, and unburden yourself from it.”

Tahno tensed up at the thought, but forced himself to calm. He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. He played out the past in his mind’s eye, letting his breathing and his surroundings calm him.

The moment Amon and the Equalists ascended in the Pro-bending Arena was full of anger, fear, and hatred. Tahno could feel each emotion rise up in his chest, and he let each flow without losing himself in them. He felt the numerous days after, drowning in grief, sorrow, and self-hatred. It threatened to consume him again, but he remembered all he had done in the past few days to make peace with his new identity.

“Your grief and mourning matters, and what you lost does not lessen your worth to yourself or others. You are worth compassion, sympathy, and thoughtfulness.”

Tahno thought of how his loss of bending had plagued him during the past few days. When he had told of their cheating, and when they were at the arena, and finally today at the gym. He had felt his tragedy loom over him and render him paralyzed with fear, grief, and loneliness. And each time, others had comforted him, and brought him back from his pain. They valued his wellbeing, and wanted him to grow and find ways to become comfortable with what he had lost.

He let that feeling of acceptance and understanding wash over him, and fill the void that losing his bending had left. He knew it wouldn’t be fixed immediately, but he also knew what they had kept telling him: it was process, and as long he kept taking steps forward, he would one day be comfortable in mind and body.

“Very good.” Kokoro said, and Tahno felt that she probably had some talent in sensing auras and mind-states. It was her _chi-mending_ studio, after all. “Take a few more breaths and put your mind at ease. When you’re ready, open your eyes and we’ll talk over the next task, and a favor I would ask of you.”

Tahno did as she asked, clearing his mind of any lingering thoughts, then opened his eyes, turning toward her. They relaxed, stretching their legs out in front of them.

“Thank you, again, for doing this,” Tahno said, “It’s really helped with everything.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve wanted to help those who lost their bending in Amon’s attacks, but you’re the first I’ve had any luck with.”

“Is it because you snuck through their windows early in the morning?”

Kokoro laughed. “No, you’re actually the only one I’ve done that to. With hearing about how you had fared with Zanami’s intervention, and with my own pre-occupation, the intrusion upon your personal space felt natural, although unwarranted. By inviting you here, I tried to give the tasks more formality, but perhaps for the next one we can rather meet on neutral ground.”

Tahno grunted, processing all she had said. He thought perhaps there was more that she wasn’t saying, and something else he hadn’t picked up on.

“In any case, the next task is to tackle lies, specifically lies we tell ourselves. If you’re able, I’d like to meet tomorrow, in the afternoon, perhaps in Republic City park? We can sit at a bench or in a gazebo.”

Tahno nodded. “Sounds fine.”

“Good. I’ll be guiding you again, like we did today, and I’ll share a bit of history that may be relevant to the task. Shouldn’t be too difficult.”

“Alright. And what was the favor you wanted to ask?”

“Well,” she began, looking away as she twiddled with her sleeves. “My family and I are having dinner, and I’d like to invite you. You’d be a neutral party, and sometimes one the best ways to help yourself, is by helping someone else.”

Tahno gave her a skeptical look. “And by that you mean coming to dinner with you and your family?”

“Specifically, it’d just be me, my husband, and my daughter. She’s your age. Like with my studio, I’ve been unable to spend much time with them. Having someone else there might give us the peace of mind to keep things civil.”

“Ah. But I wouldn’t want to intrude upon you and your family, especially if things might get _un-_ civil.”

Kokoro nodded. “Yes. You wouldn’t have to stay for all of it, and you can leave when you start feeling uncomfortable, but I would like you to be there for the beginning. If nothing else, you get a free home-cooked meal out of it.”

Despite her smile, Tahno could see the weariness on her face. She reminded him of his mother, when he had left the swamp. She had been worried for him, but she had had his brother to take care of, so she let him go. Perhaps Kokoro was on the other side of that situation. She had been away from home, and her family had worried for her. But Tahno still wasn’t sure why she would need his help in assuaging them.

Tahno hummed, then gave her a look of aquiescence. “As long as it tastes nothing like that juice we had, I’m all for it.”

Kokoro chuckled. “I assure you, the food will be the least of your worries.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Tahno visits another of Amon's victims. That chapter will mention a (past) suicide attempt by the victim - so if that is something that invokes anxiety/panic attacks, either skip it wholly, or read until it comes up. [I will have a warning before the chapter and will indicate what part(s) to skip over]. When I post the chapter, I will change the story tags to reflect this. I won't go into any details in my writing, I will only say that an attempt was made.
> 
> In my fanfic, Tahno endures depression, anxiety, and PTSD. If you or anyone you know experiences these conditions, or symptoms like Tahno's-get help! Depression, anxiety, and PTSD can isolate you from the people who matter, and can make having that support system difficult. But I can promise that there are people who care about you and want to help you! Reach out to others and find ways to adapt to your struggle, like Tahno does. 
> 
> The reason there is a year gap between my posting the first and second chapters, and a three year gap between the second and third chapters is because I have depression and anxiety. It took a long time, but I have adapted to my condition, and I sometimes still struggle with coordinating my motivation to take care of myself, and advance in my growth. But I continue to grow and move forward, with lots of support, from several sources. You can too.
> 
> The last 8 months have been rather busy, and inspiration/motivation fluctuated drastically during that time, so writing Inhibitions went to the back burner. I had Chapter 4 done, but didn't want to post it until I had a better handle on Chapters 5a and 5. I finally feel that that is true, so here it is. After I finish 5a and 5, I don't expect to have much trouble with Ch 6, but things always have a way of delaying me. After that I plan to release an Epilogue and a Bonus chapter, and more art, and hopefully a short music video featuring all the art I created, with a song or two that were stuck in my head when thinking about Inhibitions.
> 
> Thanks to all who read. Tahno's story has meant alot to me, despite my own inhibitions (ha).

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to give kudos!


End file.
